


a mutual thirst

by stillmadaboutpetra



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blogging, Crack, Texting, general fuckery, snapchatting, sort of, thirst follow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 18:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 31,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2119860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillmadaboutpetra/pseuds/stillmadaboutpetra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A thirst follow on tumblr leads to something more. Two losers like each other and are big boobs about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

What was a young queer that lived in bumblefuck nowhere supposed to do in the age of the internet? Blog. The answer was blog. If you say read, well, Levi read too, sure. But he took pictures of his latest book adventure and reviewed it online for all his adoring fans. When he wrote about books, he didn’t have adoring fans. But that changed when he learned how to take a decent selfie. 

Bitches loved selfies.

Some people might look at him and say: “Levi, why on earth, you silly nincompoop, are you wearing aviators inside while you lie in your perfectly made bed while wearing only underwear?” 

Because he was vain and bored, that’s fucking why.

He never bothered to check on his new followers; his sidebar said to introduce yourself if you wanted. He gave them the option; no way in hell was he the pursuer. Strangers on the internet should nut up if they wanted to talk to him. A few did. Like Hanji, his best friend and resident Australian. 

‘Went to local farmer’s market. Peach cobbler time :)’ 

Emoticons saved him the actual effort of smiling. He didn’t do smiling pictures. It made his cheeks too big and his eyes totally disappeared. 

He tagged it as such: #levi leaves the house #peaches #farmers market #organic #im gonna take a picture of my food baby later

And while it was a personal post, it still got an acceptable amount of notes. Mostly likes. And then a reblog by Wings0fFreedom. And the motherfucker added something.

‘Did you know that if we all spend $100 dollars a year in our local economy, we will generate another 3 MILLION dollars that stays in the US? This young man is setting a good example. I wonder what farmer’s market he used. I’d be interested to know if that peach farmer donates any of his produce to food kitchens. They get tax write offs.’

“What the fuck,” Levi said to himself. Fucking social justice people turning his pictures into a fucking cause.

Levi was going to ignore it. He was a prince, he didn’t need to deal with this. 

And then a message appeared in his ask from the very same Wings0fFreedom. 

Winfs0fFreedom: Hi there. I saw your photo and was wondering what state you live in? Different states have different tax reimbursements for donated food per pound, and if you knew, do you think you might wink wink nudgenudge to that farmer to donate :) Thank you!!

 

Levi’s lip curled. See, he wasn’t adverse to helping his community or charity work. He volunteered every summer at the fire departments fund raiser. If that had anything to do with his love of firemen – and the opportunity to be picked up and have his picture taken with the resident hunks – that was between him and Pedro’s beautiful firefighting dick.

Before he could debate his response, which was to look up the information himself, post the ask with an answer that said “our farmer’s already donate thanks bye,” he had to do a little investigative work. The fucker called him “young man,” for fuck’s sake. What kind of old fart was social justice blogging on tumblr?

His theme was awful. His sidebar didn’t even have a picture or decent formatting.

Erwin, 20,  
Economics a  
nd Public Poli  
cy at Arcadia.

Someone help this poor soul. It took like two seconds of googling to learn enough html to fix that clusterfuck. Levi was about to write him off when he, dear god, searched /tagged/hello

Not #me, not #selfie, #my face or #dick pic or even #gpoy. For some reason, this man screamed #hello for his selfie tag. And Levi hit the jackpot.

“That’s just sick and wrong,” he murmured, scrolling through the pictures. Beautiful photos of a disgustingly handsome man. Actual model material. He looked sculpted from the heavens, something Michaelangelo would salivate and wank his dick to. A face like a Roman emperor, strong powerful nose, a jawline to cut glass, cheekbones to build alters to, eyes that reflected the bluest of seas in a faroff land. 

Eyebrows that were totally in vogue right now.

Motherfucker was hot as balls. 

Levi brought his hands up in front of him, palms pressed together in prayer, a beggar’s kiss, and hummed. The keyboard clicked and clacked as Levi wrote out a response.

SuckmyLevitidick: hey dude, I live in Virginia. About the peaches. Too late, the farmers already donate their shit to a college campus kitchen. Cute of you to care.

They weren’t following each other and Levi carefully didn’t leave any notes on the man’s pictures. There wasn’t a bio beyond the shitty sidebar, so Levi could only guess(hope) that the man was into cock and bussy. Mmph, bet that guy had some great bussy.

Levi cleared his throat and switched tabs to his cobbler recipe. Time to get down to business.

 

Erwin didn’t blog with the thought to get followers or really make a contribution to the internet. He started his blog after getting to college and wanting to not only catalogue his own thoughts, but see what other people thought as well. The internet had the least filtering, and social media disseminated knowledge from around the world. Tragedies abroad, seemingly intangible through the lens of the TV news networks, took on a real life horror when someone tweeted about bombs in their streets and children shot in front of them. To ignore the internet, to ignore the millions of voices that wrote about their lives on a humble blog, would be such a waste.

Slowly but surely, his own thoughts joined that cacophony of voices, of texts and posts. He took dedicated notes in classes so he could offer up knowledge for free. He got into arguments, he found like minds.

He posted an innocent photo of himself with a touring author and found a lot of compliments sent his way. It was…nice. It was nice in a way that getting compliments from the people around him wasn’t. Something about being admired by absolute strangers lifted him up, even if it was for the most shallow reasons. It wasn’t all good messages in his inbox, especially if he touched on politics or a cultural phenomenon with any sort of dissent…or opinion, really. He had the sense to know that ultimately, arguing over the internet didn’t matter. He tried to keep his blog positive and intellectual. 

SuckmyLevitidick: hey dude, I live in Virginia. About the peaches. Too late, the farmers already donate their shit to a college campus kitchen. Cute of you to care.

 

Erwin pursed his lips. Good for those farmers, for that campus kitchen project. That was a great nonprofit. Cute of him to care though? 

He snooped back onto the blog, which had a much nicer design than his own. But Erwin wasn’t a serious blogger. Evidently, this person was. They had a sidebar link to their pictures, which naturally, Erwin wanted to see. A face to a name to a person did a lot for cementing the reality of millions of lives passing the same trajectory as ones own.

Levi, as his blog named him, was beautiful. Alluring. Black and white moody photos that reeked of dramatics but were still, simply, stunning. 

Erwin played a video, a vine, and music blared from his laptop loudly.

“I CAME TO WORK WORK I CAME TO WORK WORK” the lyrics sang, Levi twerking madly in his kitchen, shaking a juice smoothie – it cut to him in a suit tall chair drinking said smoothie, leg folded over the other, reading the newspaper, looking like an upright member of society.

“Queers in your community,” it was labeled. Erwin snorted. That had been a wild ride. 

There was another photo of him that gave more insight into his person than the posed photos, and was clearly taken by someone else. Levi in cargo shorts, combat boots, a black company tshirt, up on a very very tall ladder, precariously leaning off and trying to fix something on a roof. ‘Boss took a photo of me at work. Check out that blue collar labor,’ the caption said. Hmm, nothing about college. Erwin lived and breathed academics.

He got his answer. He didn’t follow this person, and so far, it mostly looked like a blog he wouldn’t particularly find interesting. A lot of photography – nice photography albit but still. Stuff about theatre, about carpentry and lighting. He concluded that Levi, young as he looked, was clearly some sort of craftsman. 

A beautiful queer man who used his hands. Erwin opened his askbox before he could chicken out.

Wings0fFreedom: From what I’ve seen, you’re the cute one. 

He chewed on his lip. A harmless compliment. He sent it then backed away from his laptop, determined to get work done after wasting so much time looking at Levi’s blog.


	2. Chapter 2

Levi snapchatted Hanji profusely during his shopping trip.  
‘They wouldn’t let Petra in the changing room with me’  
‘y they hatin’  
‘yes/no?’ He sent a mirror selfie of him in a long black blazer.

‘Yes’  
‘send me pictures of petra’  
‘ones I can save pls’

Levi kept the blazer with him and found Petra fondling some push-up bras in the women’s sectioin. Levi took a picture before she noticed him and sent it to Hanji.

‘Tell her yes to that pink lacy one’  
‘gooooooooooooooddddddddddddddd petra ral. Killing me from across the sea’

‘keep it in ur pants hanji’

“You need a judgmental queer eye when you try anything on?” Levi asked because he was a nice friend. Petra had an armful of clothes and the fires of determination in her eyes.

“Yeah, would you please?”

“That’s what I’m here for.” He waited outside the women’s changing rooms, playing with his phone. Absently wondered if the employees got to pick the music or if it was corporate mandated. He sent up a prayer of thanks to the cloud gods that he didn’t have to deal with retail bullshit.

 

Wings0fFreedom: From what I’ve seen, you’re the cute one. 

 

Levi clicked his tongue. A lot of times he published asks that complimented him, but it was so trite, so painful and cliché and that blog was so earnest with its crappiness. And Erwin so goddamn hot.

SuckmyLevitidick: Thanks yeah im fucking adorable. Ur mad hot too. Congratulations.

 

Petra came out of the changing room modeling a sundress. Levi nodded approving, lips pursed. “Turn for me. Mmm, yeah, just make sure you wear a thong.”

“God you’re gay,” she said, disappearing. 

Wings0fFreedom: is that high praise coming from you?

SuckmyLevitidick: pretty sure it’s high praise coming from anyone.

 

Wings0fFreedom started following you.

Wings0fFreedom: All too true. Still, I feel lucky. 

Levi tapped his foot on the floor.

SuckmyLevitidick: post a picture just for me, big guy.

 

He didn’t get a message back and he promised himself not to refresh Erwin’s blog more than twice before he let it go and resumed some level of decency in his human interaction with Petra. 

“I saw on Pinterest that if you mix glue and food colouring, you can get that seaglass look,” she said, throwing things into a shopping cart.

“What’s seaglass?” Was he following behind on his home décor terms?

“The frosted glass look.”

“When the fuck did they come up with a new name for that?”

 

Erwin lifted his arms above his head, tilted his face a little, arched his back. Couldn’t get the right angle with the camera. “Crap.” 

No matter what he did, how he posed, everything looked awful. He even took off his shirt, knowing that for the most part, just the sight of his body was enough to earn a positive response. But Levi had a good body too, maybe it wouldn’t impress him.

(Big guy. Erwin tried to imagine the tone of voice Levi would use to call him that.)

Yes. Erwin was trying to impress a stranger on the internet and failing at it. 

Well, he didn’t know if he had failed yet, but he didn’t look like the pin-up model he dreamed of being. (Kidding. He didn’t dream of being a model at all. Instead, he considered being a project leader in a political think tank. Or something. Maybe some economic business reform. He chose to keep the future open.)

He tugged his tshirt back on and sat on his bed, tossing his phone back and forth between his hands. Levi had posted a kissy-face picture of him and ‘galpal Petra,’ and then another picture of a worktable covered in crafting supplies. Levi crafted. That really was fucking adorable. 

Then Mike called him and got him sidetracked and forgot about the picture and Levi for a few hours. He didn’t remember again till later that night when he was back on his blog and saw a post from Levi, just a random text post. It jogged his memory though. Double crap.

He hurriedly snapped off a photo of himself using his laptops shitty camera and posted it.

‘I got distracted with homework. Hope this is good enough.’ No use worrying about it now. Just get it over with, if Levi didn’t like it then he could be mean over the internet. He remembered to tag suckmyLevitidick.

He woke up with the picture reblogged by Levi and a few random notes on it.

‘Not bad,’ Levi had added beneath. The picture was grainy, the contrast low, little colour saturation, and Erwin was frowny and serious in an un-sexy way. But it was his face, and Levi declared him not bad.

And, Erwin noticed Levi had followed him. Oh.

Erwin scrolled back through Levi’s blog and saw that Levi had taken a picture of his cobbler looking pretty in a baking dish, then it half obliterated. Queue several photos of Levi and his ‘galpal Petra’ flopped on a couch with empty bowls of cobbler and ice cream, rounded bellies exposed. Petra was grinning while Levi kept up his sulky face.

Erwin liked the picture, mouth tugged up at the corners. 

 

They didn’t talk to each other for a few days, but occasionally their news feed would reveal the other’s activity. Levi wrote off the initial flirting as just casual thirst follow flare of interaction. It happened, he had other hotties as mutuals. 

But Erwin came back.

Wings0fFreedom: Hey Levi, can I ask you a favor?

Considering he was currently taking a long and arduous shit (he needed to hydrate,) he had the time to entertain a favor.

SuckmyLevitidick: as long as it doesn’t require moving sure

Wings0fFreedom: can you signal boost my post about doing a survey for my one class please? I know you have a lot of followers, and the more data I can get, the better. I’d appreciate it a great deal. It’s for science, I promise.

SuckmyLevitidick: YOU FUCKING NERD

That sounded like something Hanji would do. Well, they’d reblog it too after. Levi tapped his phone viciously, got on Erwin’s blog, found the fucking post and reblogged it.  
‘Sup nerds fill out this fucking survey if you have a minute to spare. Do it while shitting like I did.’

Levi went to fill it out but it was about financial loans for college and their relationship to race. He grunted and opted to select N/A for most and listed his reason for not attending college based on inaccessibility to funds and low credit score. Race: Asian American.

Wings0fFreedom: Thank you :)! Haha are you really shitting?

Levi snorted. Grunted. Ugh.

SuckmyLevitidick: yeah u want photographic proof?

Wings0fFreedom: I’ll pass. I’ll pray for you though.

Levi actually smiled at that. Nerd boy could be a bit funny. Good for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a vague idea of things to happen but this is such crack omg


	3. Chapter 3

[Video]

A livingroom scene, evening, an older man, dark skinned and bald, in a chair (Erwin recognized the chair from other pictures Levi had taken.) The man read a newspaper.

Levi’s voice off screen, obviously the camera operator: “Hey Shardis, can we get pizza tonight?”

Shardis didn’t even look up as he replied, rough voiced, “don’t put me on your blog.”

Levi turned the camera to himself where he wore very large sunglasses, dainty pink mouth set in that ever-present frown. “Hell yeah pizza.”

Erwin considered it six seconds well spent. 

He checked Levi’s blog daily, with growing consciousness about the frequency. He even got Levi aboard the Ferguson news watch, and it turns out a queer half Japanese kid frm Virginia “with a lot of interaction with the military” had an awful lot to say about institutionalized racism. 

Wings0fFreedom: Levi, do you consider yourself a feminist?

SuckmyLevitidick: uhhhhh like a bra burner?

Wings0fFreedom: That isn’t feminism. If I recommend you some books, will you read them?

SuckmyLevitidick: if they’re at the library sure idc

Wings0fFreedom: See if they have anything by bell hooks, Angela Davis, maybe find Simone de Beauvoir’s Second Sex, just to start you off. I think you’d like what these women have to say.

SuckmyLevitidick: are they gonna be long books?

Wings0fFreedom: maybe something by Amy Tan too.

SuckmyLevitidick: I’m Japanese not Chinese Erwin  
Wings0fFreedom: I’m very aware of your race, Levi. I still think you’d appreciate her writing, they’re more stories and less social commentary (not that there isn’t that of course). I’m just thinking of you.

Erwin wanted Levi to read what he recommended. From what he knew, Levi didn't care much for school and his academic education lacked quite a lot. He had good ideas, a good heart, but didn’t know the resources to empower himself more. That’s where Erwin came in, as a tutor, as someone to suggest such things. Erwin was only doing his duty, of course. Helping a fellow human being, a fellow queer man. 

SuckmyLevitidick: okay I will. How come u know a buncha feminist shit?

Wings0fFreedom: Diversity class gen ed, took women’s studies. Always supported women but that class taught me so much. 

 

Thirty two hours later, Levi tagged him in a photo. A photo of himself stretched out on a beach towel, all summer skin and taut belly, hipbones that flared out from his pelvis and created a delicious gap between his body and his swimtrunks, that shadowed and tempted the mind to imagine slipping beneath to find his warmest places. A photo of himself reading bell hook’s “Feminist Theory: From Margin to Center.” Sunglasses hiding his keen eyes, slender fingers clutching the book across his naked chest.

‘So this college boy wants to teach me a thing or two about the world. These lessons would be better in person. Guess I’ll have to take down the patriarchy by myself.’

 

Erwin covered his face, inhaled slowly so his chest swelled with overfullness, till the tension in his body shook him. He let the breath out. Fuck. Fuck, Levi. Fuck this boy he didn’t know. Erwin went to reblog the photo, to add something beneath, something insufficient, something light, oblivious. To ignore the bait, the hook, how Levi was blatantly flirting with him for the whole internet to see. 

Erwin’s fingers waited slack over his keyboard. 

What could he say to that? He’d never really experienced this sort of dynamic with someone over the internet before. In person, sure, he would know what to do. Take Levi out, obviously. It’d be so simple. But Levi wasn’t within arm’s reach, perhaps might never be. 

The keyboard clicked. Twenty-eight taps of his fingers.

‘You will be a fine soldier.’

 

Not the response Levi wanted. A fine soldier. What the fuck. That man was gay as shit and that was it? Maybe that was Erwin flirting. He seemed like he’d be an awkward flirt. But still. Nothing in the tags, and no messages in his ask box from Erwin. Not even any inconspicuous anon messages asking if Levi ate ass or something to at least placate his wounded ego. 

Levi answered a skype call from Hanji, glad for his friend’s perfect timing. 

“Levi! Levi look look.” Hanji held up a joey.

“Jesus Christ, Hanji.”

“He just wondered in the house with the dogs. I haven’t seen his momma anywhere.” They went to put the little guy down but the joey made squealy grunty noises and kicked its already big legs around until Hanji picked him back up and rubbed his belly. “I think I’ll keep him.”

Australia was fucking weird. “Is that legal?” Hanji stared at him in blank disappointed. Levi scrubbed a hand over his face. “Nevermind.” Like Hanji gave a shit if it was legal. 

“So,” Hanji said, holding a fucking baby kangaroo like that was normal. “You’re reading feminist literature now? That’s great. bell hooks totally knocked Beyonce.”

“How can you knock the queen?” Levi asked, offended, immediately hoping Hanji would forget to further inquire about Levi’s sudden choice of literature and the fucking nerd ass college boy who got him turned onto it. Turned on in general. 

Hanji shrugged. “It’s an old discussion really, about the black woman’s body being a sex object. If you keep reading that stuff, you’ll understand. You should read Zora Neal Hurston next.”

Levi hummed. “I think I had to read her in school.”

“Yeah she’s a goody.” Hanji popped their lips at the joey and cooed then looked needle sharp through the camera. “Slutting around on your blog again I see. Erwin’s hot.” They smirked.

“Ha yeah. Lots of hotties out there. None in my town. I mean honestly, how many morbidly obese middle aged men smoking on their front porches without wearing a shirt radius do I have to go through before I find someone decent to fuck?” 

“A fine soldier such as yourself will surely prevail,” Hanji teased. 

“Shut the fuck up.” Levi covered his face briefly. “Oh god, he’s a fucking loser, I can’t stand it. He probably helps old ladies cross the street.”

“I’m gonna ask him.”

“Hanji, don’t.”

Too late. He heard and saw Hanji’s erratic typing, their arms gently jostling the mostly chilled out joey in their arms. “There, sent it.”

Five minutes later, they got their response. “Boy, he’s on the internet a lot,” Hanji mused. “Ah okay. He sayssss, ‘Hello there. I think you’re Levi’s friend, right?’ HA, he knows me. Wow, he totally stalked you. Anyway anyway. ‘I used to volunteer at an retirement center, so yes, I have.’”

“Christ,” Levi sighed. Hanji snickered. 

“I like him. I’m gonna follow him. Oh, he’s following me now. Oh, okay, he wants to talk about my grad thesis.” Hanji squealed slightly and then Levi was pretty much left watching them rapidly type to Erwin for several minutes. Hanji looked up after a bit. “Hey, I’m gonna skype him, I’ll call you…another time.”

Levi frowned. “Wait, you’re skyping him?”

“Yeah! Bye Levi. Say bye-bye, Matt Blanc,” Hanji said to the joey, making it wave with a creepy little paw. Then the call ended and Levi was left staring at a skype chat log. The shit.


	4. Chapter 4

‘I’m finally getting my tattoo this afternoon. It’s an insignia that my father used to wear on a pendant. He was buried in it, but I managed to trace the pattern from a few clear photos of him wearing it.’

Levi narrowed his eyes. Erwin’s dad was dead, Erwin’s dad was apparently a good guy – If Erwin wanted to honour him, then he must be because Erwin was a good guy – and Erwin was getting a tattoo. The world (Levi) was not ready for Erwin to have a tattoo. Those cheekbones and ink? 

He messaged Erwin immediately, breaking the unspoken spell of abstinence against the man. That Erwin and Hanji skyped amd Levi and Erwin didn’t more than slighted Levi. Even if Hanji later told him it was they who had asked Erwin to skype so they could elaborate more on the conversation. They did not exchange phone numbers. 

SuckmyLevitidick: where r u getting the tattoo? 

He didn’t get a response all day. Levi had no idea when a response came because when he opened up tumblr again later that night, the message was aready there, might have been for hours. 

Wings0fFreedom: posted a pic :)  
Shit. Levi all but zoomed, if one could zoom on the internet…nyoomed. He nyoomed to Erwin’s blog. “Shit.”

Erwin’s back. His fucking back was a landscape of defined muscles, shoulders broad enough to span a river and one shoulder blade freshly inked. A geometric deconstructed pair of wings in blue and open outline. It looked really fucking cool. The skin a little red and glistening with stinky post-tattoo cream, which Levi knew was just glorified diaper cream, but still. Bad ass. 

Erwin’s deep delicious back dimples right above scandalously low-slung gym shorts really sealed the deal. Every inch of this man looked perfect to bite. Levi swallowed a mouthful of hormone-fueled spit. 

Levi wasn’t un-mad enough to reblog it though. Plus he didn’t want to share Erwin, which was stupid because NSA was checking this bitch out too probably. Who the fuck wouldn’t. He liked it though as a sign of good faith.

SuckmyLevitidick: it looks good

Erwin didn’t respond for an hour and Levi occupied himself elsewhere, comparing prices on fluorescent resin at nearby shops. 

Wings0fFreedom: Thank you, Levi. How have you been? Did you finish your book?

Levi chewed on his lip, tapped his feet. He had finished it. And he’d wanted to talk to Erwin about it but was too busy ignoring him.

SuckmyLevitidick: yeah. Im about to get off the computer though. Just text me at…

It was a harmless little lie but one he made reality by shutting off his computer. Frowned at his wall. Casual. Smooth as fuck. Levi Ackerman, smooth operator. Lonely gay man in desolate wasteland of small town America interacts with people online like the cool cucumber he truly was. That’s him.

His phone vibrated in his pants somewhere near his dick. Levi huffed and drew it out to see the unknown number, the ‘This is Erwin. Wings0fFreedom.’ ‘That sounds silly to say.’ ‘This is Erwin. Hello Levi.’

Levi saved him to his contacts and immediately saw that Erwin did not have a snapchat. 

He put his phone down on his bedside and went downstairs to get a drink, undressed for the night and then picked his phone back up. ‘Hey, yeah. Sup?’

The response was immediate. ‘Procrastinating homework honestly. You?’

‘Probs gonna shower in a minute.’ 

Was that too white-boy flirting of him? But it was true. After he finished his grape juice he was gonna shower. And if he casually wanted to make Erwin think about him naked under a hot stream of water, potentially touching himself, that was entirely beside the point. 

‘Lucky. I want to shower but I’m worried about the tattoo.’

Levi blew out a breath, mouth pinched at the corners. He was truly beginning to think Erwin wasn’t into him at all. ‘Gross. When can u shower?’ What the fuck now he was thinking about Erwin naked under a hot stream of water potentially touching himself. Levi wanted to lick those back dimples. 

‘Tomorrow, don’t worry.’

‘Why would I worry if you were all gross and stinky?’

‘Just a hunch.’ Before Levi could even deal with that response, Erwin added ‘it’s in your bio. About being clean.’

‘Yeah.’ Levi scrubbed a hand through his hair. ‘I’m getting in the shower now’ and did just that. Despite his earlier thoughts, Erwin didn’t inspire any arousal in him. Levi washed himself into a relaxed state, going through the routine of cleansing considering a life outside of his town. He had the symphony job come fall and any other work he could get, and that would push him into a better position for stage work. Not going to college sort of fucked him up a bit, but honestly, the shit he did didn’t need a degree. 

He thought of Shardis, the tight grip he used on the arms of the chair when he wanted to stand up. 

Levi rinsed off, frowning. A few more years here wouldn’t be the end of the world, but he’d get out eventually. He wouldn’t be some lifer in this shithole. He’d bring Shardis with him, they could set up somewhere 

 

The LED light on his phone blinked at him with messages from Erwin.

8:44 ‘Okay.’ 8:44 ‘I’ll get some homework done.’ 8:50 ‘not getting a lot done.’ 8:55 ‘I’m not the best example of a college boy’ 8:55 ‘or maybe I am actually.’

‘do you have a smartphone?’ Levi texted back after drying his hands off.

‘Yes. Why?’

‘Download snapchat.’ So much for baby steps.  
A minute later he got a blurry picture of Erwin’s desk that was clearly accidental. Papers and books everywhere, laptop glowing in the corner of the screen. Then a second picture of Erwin frowning like an old geezer mystified by the wonders of technology.

‘I’m not sure I’m good at this,’ Erwin texted him. Levi snorted and opened snapchat.

He tousled his hair with the towel and shook it around, found some beautiful lighting in his bathroom and snapped a picture of himself, (a bust shot, you heathens) and sent it to Erwin. He looked fucking good. Damp and glowy from the water, hair uncharacteristically disheveled, head cocked just a little so that it showed the sharp line of his jaw and the length of his neck.

‘I’ll make up for what you lack,’ the text said that he added to the photo as he set the snap length to ten seconds so that Erwin could get a nice taste. Almost immediately after sending it, Levi regretted the decision, his posture deflated along with his self assurance. Because he wasn’t self assured and Erwin hadn’t been giving him much reason to suddenly do that, to flaunt like that, and he’d feel fucking awkward if Erwin called him out on overstepping his bounds. 

The snap was viewed and time passed. Too much time. Levi brushed his teeth and had foam trying to sneak its way down his chin when his phone buzzed on the countertop. He answered it, toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, but it was only a text from Hanji.

‘Gonna TMI about my poop cause I know you care but it looked like noodles.’

‘what kind of noodle?’

‘Soba’

‘Don’t ruin asian cuisine for me’

And still nothing from Erwin.


	5. Chapter 5

Twenty seconds after Erwin had opened the snap chat from Levi, he got out of his seat, left his room and went into the living room. He dropped down onto the battered couch heavily, seat cushion sinking unsupported under the weight of him. Mike, beside him, glanced sideways before continuing to play video games. This week it was an old Star Fox game. 

Erwin’s silent presence went undisturbed for several minutes before Mike finally paused the game and turned to him. “Okay, why are you acting like a zombie?”

Erwin flicked an annoyed look at him. “This is my thinking face, the opposite of zombie face.” 

Mike looked him over, sniffed, and turned back to his video game. Erwin stopped him with a touch to his shoulder, sighed. Mike turned his attention back to Erwin.

“Do you sext?” Erwin asked with forced calm.

Mike’s eyebrows disappeared into his fringe. Then his mouth went all crooked with his small smile. “Here and there. Yeah.” Sudden frown. “Did you see something on my phone?”

Erwin withdrew his hand, shook his head. Stared at his fingers like they contained the answer. “No. A boy on the internet--”

“When you say boy,” Mike interrupted, “you do mean of age, consensual, not a child.”

“Shit, Mike, of course.” Levi was nineteen, unless he was lying, but that was pointless and also such a weird age to falsify. Erwin immediately dismissed it. He couldn’t entertain that possibility, or the possibility of Levi’s persona being faked. Perhaps to some extent glorified by the narcissism that went hand-in-hand with running a popular personal blog but – Levi appeared very genuine to Erwin. “Levi’s our age.”

Erwin fell silent, gathering his thoughts while Mike waited for more information. Honestly, Mike thought, Erwin’s thinking face was creepy. Zombie was the wrong word. 

“He’s not a stranger but we aren’t associates in person, so sexual exchanges over text is weird.”

The statement lacked the lilt of a question. It wasn’t. Erwin definitely thought it was weird, but Mike knew what his friend was really seeking here. Some sort of permission and reassurance in whatever weird internet canoodling he was up to these days.

“Maybe,” Mike said slowly, “but everyone does it. If you feel comfortable, might as well. Could be fun.”

Erwin’s mouth thinned before he nodded, face firmer. “Right. Thank you, Mike.” He didn’t get up right away, poised in a half-hunched position on the crest of motion before finally he worked himself up, up out of the sinking couch and disappeared just as quietly as he appeared. 

Mike resumed playing his game, intent to ignore that his roommate was probably taking a dick pic right now.

 

Levi hadn’t sent Erwin any new messages, and Erwin did, believe it or not, have enough social awareness to guess Levi might be stressing about Erwin’s response or lack thereof. Rejection hurt regardless of what format it came through. Or perhaps that was self absorbed of Erwin and he suffered his own narcissism to think Levi would be hurt if Erwin didn’t respond approvingly to the flirtation. Egos, especially ones forged heavily through internet identities, could be very frail. Erwin saw that often enough all over the internet. Small people reacting poorly. Big names, adults, being just as petty.

Erwin laid down in bed, phone weighty and calamitous in his hands, suddenly an awkward brick as he typed.

‘If I’m misinterpreting this, forgive me, but I don’t feel comfortable presenting myself sexually to you if that’s what you’re seeking from talking to me. I think you’re very attractive, and I know I’ve used flirtatious tones before when we’ve talked. I want to get to know you, I’m interested in that. I realize this is maybe an overreaction to that snapchat but I’d rather nip this in the bud right away.’

He reviewed the text several times before sending it, stomach unexpectedly queasy. It wouldn’t matter if Levi blew him off or responded nastily or anything. It wouldn’t matter because Levi was not part of his life and if he couldn’t respond kindly then good riddance. But still, Erwin hoped sincerely for a good outcome. It’d spoil his night otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter, I know. It's late and I'm going away this weekend so I'm leaving it on a "cliff hanger." 
> 
> Jut fyi, what erwin did takes a lot of guts and is kind of scary so i hope if you're ever in a situation like that you can be clear about our feelings.


	6. Chapter 6

Unfortunately, Hanji as a distraction didn’t last very long and Levi was left to his own self. That turned into doing laundry, which meant he’d be up rather late to get it out of the dryer and folded before it could wrinkle. His phone chimed when he had his hands full of water-logged clothes and he dumped them over into the dryer, threw in a dryer sheet and the rubber anti-cling balls he’d insisted Shadis buy to optimize their laundry experiences. 

He…really didn’t know how to respond. React. Feel. At first he felt offended that somehow Erwin was shutting him down, except it wasn’t necessarily shut down. Sort of. And then embarrassed for his own forwardness and worry that he came off as some douchy white boy pressuring Erwin? But Erwin was a big boy, and this text showed that.

“Shit. Oh shit. Am I a douchebag?” Levi sat on the edge of his bed, gaze vacant with introspection. Was he a douchebag?

He called Petra, his guiding light, his moral compass. His reality check. “Petra. Am I a douchebag?”

“Hello to you too. I’d say curmudgeonly asshole or trashy gay stereotype. Somewhere in  
between that. Why? You get a mean anon message on your blog?” He could hear the tease in her voice but it still set his mouth into a frown.

“Not quite. Never mind. Sorry, I’ll talk to you tomorrow or something.” He hung up and pulled up Erwin’s text, the words making his skin sting with some emotion that brought on a flush. Finally, pursing his lips, he responded.

‘Okay I’m an asshole but I’m super against pressuring anything with sex so yeah. Sorry. I won’t ask anything like that of you. We can just talk about books, that’s okay with me, Erwin.’

Whatever. He sent it. At least Erwin thought he was attractive and did admit to flirting, so Levi wasn’t totally misreading the messages. Erwin just wasn’t into shameless sexting. Erwin surprised Levi by texting back almost immediately.

‘I’m glad you responded so.’

Levi huffed over Erwin’s rigid formality. ‘Yeah man. Not into sexually harassing hot nerds.’

‘What about ugly nerds?’

Levi smiled slightly. ‘No nerds.’ 

‘That’s good.’

‘Are we still flirting?’ Levi couldn’t believe he had to ask that. You never ask if you’re flirting, it ruins the whole game. But, apparently this game had different rules. Whatever bullshit Erwin wanted to play by.

‘I find it hard not to flirt with you, if I’m honest, Levi. But I’m not as sexually flagrant as you are is all.’

Sexually flagrant. That was a nice way of saying slutty. ‘Shucks.’

‘:p’

Evidentally Erwin missed the sarcasm in that last text. Poor bastard. ‘So can I not send you glamorous head shots? Or? What are the rules and regulations?’

There was a lull in the conversation before Erwin responded. ‘Head shots are okay. No nudes obviously or anything that’s directly provocative. PG-13 ratings.’

Levi imagined Erwin telling middle schoolers to leave room for Jesus at the school dance. ‘Can I swear? Can I talk about putting pickles in my jar?’

‘I’m not sure what that means.’

‘PICKELS IN MY JAR’

‘That’s a euphemism. Okay. No, PG-13 includes imagery and language.’

‘Darn poopy.’

‘You can swear. Just. Levi.’ Ah. The familiar flavor of exasperation, already evident in his texts to Levi. Always a good sign.

‘damn right. 1st ammendmant.’

He received a snapchat of Erwin covering his face. Levi would rather see his face. ‘You’re gonna be trouble, aren’t you?’ Levi had to smirk at that. 

He threw up a peace sign. 'Hell yeah'

Erwin snapped him back, this time peeking through his fingers. ‘Embarrassing.’

Levi flipped him off. He remembered not to smile when he took the picture, to pull his mouth down into displeasure. It had turned up at the corners on its own. 

Erwin texted him back. ‘That’s not PG-13’

‘Fine. You lead, I’ll follow.’

Erwin sent him back a rather blasé photo of him flipping the camera off. ‘Bad influence.’

‘you need it.’

 

It wasn’t as if they talked all the time, but they most certainly did on a daily basis. Half of that was because Erwin didn’t understand snap chat. He always, always snapped back when Levi posted his story. Or maybe that was just Erwin’s style. For fuck’s sake though, the man had no idea the kind of social media monster he was. He still didn’t run a personal blog necessarily, as ever post was about something greater than himself, a cause, an insightful thought, that went beyond Levi’s own fascinations or anyone else’s outfit of the day. Thanks to Erwin, Levi had to introduce a #social justice tag to his blog just to keep track of all the shit he ended up reblogging from Erwin. He didn’t even mean to either, it just sort of happened. On wild days, Levi found something interesting enough for Erwin to reblog. Wild days, he told you. 

It was a Tuesday, 8:01 AM on the dot, when Levi got the snapchat that changed fucking everything and firmly cemented Erwin as a giant asshole. The biggest, loosest, messiest gaping asshole in the world.

A goddamn snapchat of him just woken up, head still on the goddamn pillow, blond hair sticking up and about like it had a mind of its own, eyes a quiet bell note of blue. Levi held his thumb down on the screen of his phone, breath clogged in the back of his throat so as not to disturb his own stunned silence over the sudden ache this photo caused him. Levi wanted to smooth out the creases in the pillow under Erwin’s cheek so it didn’t dare wrinkle his face. Kiss the pinch of Erwin’s mouth and pull the covers up over him, over them both. ‘Class :(‘

The photo timer wore out and took Levi back to the homescreen.

He hadn’t been this angry since he ate half a pound of buffalo chicken dip on his own and shat out Tabasco flavored cream cheese ass soup for three days straight. His butthole had been on fucking fire; this fire of anger doubled that. How dare Erwin be this goddamn adorable and totally butthole-fire hot. He was sleepy and bed-rumpled and Levi wanted nothing more than to dive into the warmth of his sheets and find the empty spaces against Erwin’s body. 

He snorted out his nose, a huff of oxen air, all flared nostrils and thickened blood veins. ‘Go to class you bum,’ he texted, unable to even fathom sending a picture in response. It’d just be a self-portrait of distress anyway. 

‘:(((((((((‘ Erwin sent back.

‘omg’

‘Be my bad influence, please. It’s final’s review.’

Was that it, was Levi the devil on Erwin’s shoulder, here to whisper selfish secrets to him? ‘Okay skip. Ur brilliant u don’t need it.’

‘Thank you.’ Erwin followed it up with a picture of himself, face smashed into a pillow. It wasn’t nearly as brain melting as the earlier picture.

‘dork. bye im going to work like a responsible citizen,’ Levi texted back. He shook his head like a fond overseer and finished lacing up his boots. The LED flashed on his phone again with a snap.

‘Send me a morning picture.’ 

What the shit, did Erwin think he could just make demands like that? Big hog, might as well be asking for titty shots. Levi covered the camera so the screen was black, snapped an empty picture and typed in ‘go to sleep.’

‘R U pretending to be mysterious?’ Erwn took one of those awful super-close up pictures of himself that reminded Levi of the in depth Spongebob stills.

Levi snapped a picture of his rinky-dink car. ‘no im fucking commuting.’ He texted quickly along with that. ‘Gonna lose wifi. Goooooooooo to sleep that’s why ur skipping.’

He didn’t know if Erwin responded because he made himself move along with his day, push ahead of the moment. Later on break at work when he turned on his mobile data for five seconds, he checked his snaps and opened one to a picture of a softly smiling Erwin, cozy in bed. ‘Drive safe.’

Fuck you, Levi thought as the photo disappeared.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: someone commented about the use of the word "exotic" that Erwin mentaly uses to describe Levi's eyes. This is a BAD thing to do. I did however use the word intentionally as part of Erwin's voice, and that line of thinking will be addressed later in the fic. Levi's biracial status is very important to him, and he lives in a very white area. This is just so everyone knows why that word is there. Erwin isn't perfect. Levi ain't either. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, kuoding and commenting. Lemme know if u have any other questions or concerns. I am white so for Levi's experiences as an Asian American, im drawing upon the experiences of my friends, their families and things I've read.

College was in full swing; professors assigned papers on the weekly, students lined gourds along their windowsills and pumpkin spice filled the air. A rainy summer lead into a cold fall, winter preceding its solstice rather early. Erwin had to wear a scarf and gloves to walk to class, cold nipping with pearly whites at his skin. Arcadia looked like a fairytale, like Hogwarts. 

It rained hard for three days in a row, water battering the autumnal foliage still clinging to the trees and turning what was on the ground into half decayed muck. The frigid conditions drove the campus to sniffling noses and in some quarters an early bout of the flue. Erwin was luckily spared. 

A few states away, Levi wasn’t so lucky. Erwin woke up for his 8am class to a series of increasingly displeased messages from Levi. ‘My nose is stuffy.’ ‘I feek kuje i was hit by a truc’ ‘feel like I was hit by a truck**’ ‘don’t fail me now autocorrect’ ‘im sweaty and not in the sexy way’ ‘fuck im sick’ ‘erwin im sick what is this bullshit’ ‘smdh’

‘Sorry :(‘ he responded, yawning.

‘blugghhh dshjdkhfd’

‘have some soup, take a Tylenol and go back to sleep. I’m not a doctor but that might help. Stay hydrated!’

‘if it doesn’t im sueing’

And then Erwin was left on his own for the day. He didn’t really believe Levi had gone back to sleep peacefully. As Erwin got ready for his day, he kept expecting to get another message. Figured Levi had showered. By the time lunch hit and Erwin worked his way through two peanut butter and apple sandwiches, he’d decided Levi had actually fallen back to sleep. Good. If he was sick that was the best thing.

The new fall hours of dark found Erwin with his friends playing Mario Kart. They wiped Dorito powder on their jeans and fumbled with the gamecube controllers, the cheese powder like WD40 grease – at least that’s what they told each other.

“Switch controllers with me,” Nile insisted to Mike who, after a patient sniff, did. He still won. Waluigi rolled past the finish line in triumph. Mike identified with his big nose and swag. The likeness was uncanny.  
“You got third this time, maybe we should switch back,” Mike suggested, side-eyeing Nile, face relaxed with his easy victories. 

Erwin smiled absently at them and touched his phone to light up the homescreen, confirming his expectation that he’d have zero messages and yet it still made his mood drop one more degree in a slow decline he’d experienced all day. 

“Who are you waiting for?” Nile asked, leaning forward so he could look down the couch at Erwin. The phone slipped off Erwin’s thigh and hit the floor. He scooped it up quickly, rested it back beside his leg on the couch. 

“His boyfriend, Levi” Mike answered for Erwin, not so much judgmental as teasing.

“Huh?” Naturally, Nile wasn’t in the know. 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Erwin said. He shrugged his shoulders and fiddled with the toggle on his controller. The lights worked down from red to green, and all of them managed to get a speed boost. 

“Yeah but he is,” Mike explained. “He so is.”

Erwin felt a mild flush creep up from his chest and jump to settle in his ears. “Middle school behavior isn’t very becoming, Michael Zackarias.”

“Neither is turning into my mom, Erwin Tiberius Smith.”

Nile snorted. “Tiberius?”

“My parents thought it’d be funny,” Erwin sighed. 

“It is,” Mike said. “Just like your denial.”

“Mhmm,” Erwin hummed, giving up on defending himself from Mike’s childish teasing. Mike obviously knew he and Levi weren’t together. They weren’t. It wasn’t even something Erwin should have to clarify because they so obviously weren’t for reasons such as having never met in person or talked on the phone or even skyped. Levi had never asked for such things and Erwin couldn’t find a reason for why they should do either of those things aside from that he kind of wanted to. He wanted a better reason than that when he suggested the idea. Right now his motivation for wanting to see and hear Levi swirled undeclared inside himself.

“No but who’s Levi? Do I know him?” Nile asked after cursing Erwin out for a well-aimed green shell.

“Just a friend,” Erwin said, attempting to beat Mike to it and save himself embarrassment.  
“This hottie Erwin met online,” Mike said at about the same time. Naturally, Mike’s description won Nile’s interest.

“Oh my god, really? What, like off Tinder? Or were you jerking off on chatroulette, Tiberius?”

“Shut up, damn,” Erwin grumbled. “You’re both fish wives, honestly.”

“Could you imagine Erwin so much as showing a nipple to strangers?” Mike laughed. Then Nile laughed and Erwin hunched so his biceps shielded his nipples from further harassment. “It was on tumblr.”

“Wow,” Nile breathed. “And now they’re Myspace dating?”

Mike laughed harder, still soundly kicking their asses at Mario Kart. 

“Fuck you both.”

“Defensive aren’t we?” Nile teased. “So what’s he like, huh? I’m betting either a ten year old or a forty year old felon.” Nile didn’t seem to care that he got last. Harassing Erwin soothed his own ego.

Fed up and offended on Levi’s behalf, Erwin opened his phone again – disappointed once more by the lack of texts – and went onto Levi’s blog. He pulled up Levi’s face tag and found one of his favorite pictures. A black and white head shot of Levi looking at something past the camera, face turned a little to the side. The contrast of his slender dark eyes against the white of his skin made his face all the more feline and exotic.

Erwin thrusted his phone towards Nile, mouth set in defiance and eyebrows raised in challenge. Nile squinted at the picture, mouth falling open a little before he took the phone from Erwin. Not what Erwin wanted to happen.

“Wow, nice nice. Kind of girly though. Didn’t know you had yellow fever, man.”

Erwin stiffened. “Don’t say that.”

“What?”

“Yellow fever. That’s offensive and gross.”

“Racism, minus ten points from Gryffindor,” Mike said. 

“I didn’t mean it like a bad thing,” Nile defended, but both Mike and Erwin gave him long disapproving looks until he mumbled a vague apology. Erwin took his phone back, glancing at the photo before forcing himself to close the page. Levi was sensitive to racial comments, as he had every right to be. Erwin felt like apologizing to Levi, just because, but knew it wouldn’t do anything, it’d probably just make Levi annoyed. Plus, then Erwin would have to explain why he was showing Levi to his friends and he didn’t want to go there. 

They played in silence for a round before Erwin finally discarded his controller, put off by the mood and his own thoughts. He called it quits and got up. Nile turned around to look over the back of the couch as Erwin left the room.

“Erwin, hey, I’m sorry about what I said. I’m not, you know, I don’t think like that.”

Erwin nodded. “I know you’re not a bad person, but be more aware of what you’re saying.” He didn’t have it in him to get into it right now, and he was probably failing Levi and every other minority. “Don’t do it again,” Erwin added after in a harder tone.

“Won’t,” Nile promised, probably mostly to appease Erwin so they could all move on. Erwin nodded and left to wash his hands of Doritos and the greasy ways the controllers made him feel. He felt gross and displaced all over, so he detoured from the kitchen to the bathroom to shower. 

When he was little, he always put up a fuss about taking baths. It was so much work, it meant the end of playtime, it meant bedtime was just around the corner. None of that reluctance haunted him now. He stripped quickly, kicked his clothes into pile and stretched big and wide, armspan nearly long enough for his fingers to touch both sides of the wall. 

They weren’t ready to turn the heat on yet and start dealing with that bill, so the air in the bathroom, chilly and damp from the outside, turned his skin into gooseflesh once it was bare. Erwin prepped the shower, though it would need a minute or two to get hot. The pounding water almost drowned out the text notification his phone gave off from inside his pants pocket on the ground. But it didn’t, and Erwin rooted it out, chest swelling a little.

‘guess what dumb thing I did today,’ Levi sent him. Erwin grinned instantly.

‘What?’

‘that’s a shitty guess.’

Erwin racked his brain. ‘Put salt instead of sugar in your tea?’ 

‘good one but no. fuck that’d be gross.’ ‘I drank a LOT of Nyquil and then I lost my phone in the couch’

‘Until just now?’

‘No I saved up this riveting story for the ideal time to tell you. Yes just now’

Steam started to fill the bathroom and fog the mirrors. Erwin didn’t pay it any mind. ‘Cool story bro.’ 

‘ew r u trying to be cool?’

‘What do you mean trying?’ He sent along the sunglasses emoji for good measure.

‘jfc’

Erwin laughed to himself, leaning naked against the cold tile of the sink but not minding it. The room was hot now anyway. He really should get into the shower.

‘could have used u all day when I was stoned,’ Levi texted him before Erwin could respond.

‘Do you feel better?’

‘kinda. Itll probs be bad again in the morning’

‘Probably. I’m sure you’ll pull through.’

‘Thanks doc’

Erwin pressed his lips together, now feeling his own smile. ‘I have to shower now’

‘u have fun in there big guy’

Erwin wasn’t sure if the text was an innocuous tease or if Levi thought the words in some dirty slither of tongue. Erwin closed his eyes. Mmph, he would have fun.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a thank you to everyone leaving me messages and for hopping along for this ride. This fic was meant as a joke but it's become it's own life force i s2g.
> 
> not a lot of eruri in this chapter, this is more of a mood-developer type thing. also neither i nor levi r doctors obvi.

Today’s job had an hour long commute that would be intolerable if it were with someone who tried to talk to Levi, but thank fuck it was with Eld, who, aside from making fun of dumb license plates, didn’t’ feel the need to talk too much. Levi skipped through the radio, every station polluted by overly-chatty djs and too many commercials.

It was mid afternoon, sun white and cutting with its light, the trees blurring on the side of the highway in streams of gold and fire-crisp orange. Levi’s phone rang. Eld was driving, which gave Levi free reign to fuck off.

“Hey Petra,” Levi answered. Immediately his phone was filled with heavy rapid breathing. “Petra?”

“Levi,” gasping, “I’m gonna be sick.” Petra’s breathing was a mile a minute. Levi sat up bolt straight in his seat, Eld trading attention from the road to Levi.

“What’s wrong? Where are you?”

Through her frantic panting, Petra said, choking on her own panic, “I went running and I got dizzy and I tried to run home and I can’t feel my arms.”

“Okay. Petra. Petra, I need you to listen to me.” He feared for a moment that she couldn’t hear him over her own breathing but he kept going. “You need to stop breathing that way. You’ll pass out.”

“I can’t. I can’t,” she whimpered. Levi blew out a breath through his nose, waving a soothing hand to Eld.

“Yes you can. You’re making yourself hyperventilate. In through your nose – Petra. In through your nose, out through your mouth,” he said in a steady voice, slow and rhythmic. “In through your nose. Out through your mouth. Don’t speed up. You need to get your breathing under control.”

“But my arms are numb and,” she started to breathe sharply again and Levi growled.

“Slow. Down. Your. Breathing. You’re making yourself sick. Your arms are probably tingling from breathing like that, that’s what got your body in a panic. You need to calm it down.”

She got herself a little more under control. “I’m in the bathtub.”

“So you’re home? Okay. Stay low, keep breathing slow for me. Get out of your clothes if you can but run some cool water over your extremities. Were you running in all your thermal gear?”

“Yeah…”

“Did you drink a lot of water?” He heard the sound of the faucet running.

“Probably only a cup today.”

“How many miles?”

“Five.” 

“That’s why you got dizzy. Then you panicked and it escalated. Get out of those hot clothes. I want you to cool down a little and slowly drink a cup or two of water, take a Tylenol and walk around your house for a few minutes.”

“Is she okay?” Eld asked now that Levi himself no longer gave off waves of urgency. He nodded to Eld.

“Can you do that, Petra?” he asked this in a tone seeking confirmation and not patronizing Petra. He would never patronize Petra. 

“Yes,” she said, still sounding shaken, voice a little groggy and soft. It was better though. 

“I’ll call you when we get to our site and check in. Where’s Nanaba?”

“Working. I’m okay. I’m better now,” she assured. Levi grunted.

“Whatever. Make sure they know. I’m still calling. If you get sick again, get someone to take you to the campus clinic.”

“I will.” She blew out a long breath, inhaled deeply. “Thanks, Levi.”

He looked down at his lap, phone held a little too tightly. “No problem, Pet. I’m glad you called me. Fuck, now I’m gonna worry about you even more,” he joked, face blank and voice burdened by this fact.

“Ugh. Sorry, sorry. I miss you. I wish you were here sometimes.”

“Can’t. Gotta make the big bucks. Did you undress yet?”

“No. I’ll go do that.”

“Water and do some walking. Text Nanaba. I’ll call you inna bit.”

“Mmm. Thanks, Levi. Byebye.” He hung up and frowned.

“What happened,” Eld ask more firmly, a little urgent and concerned. 

“The dumb bunny went running on too little fluids and probably too many layers. Just got herself worked up.” Course he wasn’t a doctor, but from what he knew from his health and fitness classes back in school, when he took extra gym credits, suggested as much. 

“Aw, poor girl. I hate when you run and you get dry-mouth and can’t swallow for shit.”

Levi could only agree. 

‘I hate when my friends live far away’

Erwin texted him back a minute later: ‘Are you talking about me?’

Levi paused in his response, licked his lips. Yeah, he did hate that Erwin lived far away. It wasn’t even that far, but it was too far. Erwin was almost make-believe, when it was late at night and all he was was words on a screen glowing beside Levi’s pillow.

‘I have other friends shithead’

‘I don’t doubt that. What’s got you down?’

Levi slumped against the cardoor, murmuring to Eld that no, he wasn’t texting Petra but he’d keep him appraised. ‘nm just petra’s at college and im not with her to take care of her’

‘It’s hard when people leave. Did something happen?’ 

Erwin was always astute and took everything Levi said seriously, listened as best he could when Levi didn’t even say a word out loud. And he was safe to complain to, to worry at. Erwin always listened, was patient and talked to Levi and Levi didn’t have to look at his face unless he wanted to, didn’t have to share his own. Every word sounded brighter when read off the glow of a screen. ‘yes. No. not really.’

‘Do you want to skype later and talk about it?’ Erwn suggested after Levi’s incredibly informative text.

Levi lied immediately. ‘my webcams been weird video won’t work.’

‘We can talk on the phone.’

That…might not be too bad. Getting to hear Erwin’s voice. Erwin was offering anyway, wanted to listen to Levi complain and vent. ‘yeah maybe. Later okay?’ He almost hoped Erwin said no, that they could forget the idea entirely. He also knew he’d be disappointed if Erwin did say no. 

‘After 8 works for me.’

‘k. I hope u don’t have some dumb cartoon sounding voice.’

‘Does Donald Duck count as a cartoon?’

‘I hope ur voice cracks like a 13 yr old boy’ Levi snorted to himself, anxieties already quieted down by the banter. Talking – flirting – with Erwn took him away from the present so easily.

‘It doesn’t but I can make yours crack.’

Oh. 

Levi pinched his thighs together, shifted on the cheap vinyl of the sprinter’s passenger seat. He didn’t know what Erwin sounded like, but in Levi’s head the words tumbled with a low rumble, were a confident whisper, the grip of a hand on his waist, a tug in his hair. Something that made him ache and frown and curl over his phone.

‘sorry,’ Erwin added immediately after. ‘almost violating PG-13 rules with that one.’

‘no take-backsies.’

‘No. I don’t want to talk like that,’ Erwin texted, and Levi could feel the force behind those words now too, but in an admonishment. Somehow, Levi was the one who felt chided, and not Erwin correcting himself. He flushed in embarrassment, in offense. Anytime they started flirting for real, getting to the good stuff, Erwin changed the topic. Now he was outright calling it quits. He didn’t want to talk like that, didn’t want to make Levi’s head spin with anything other than confusion and doubt.

‘chill.’

‘Sorry.’

‘Yeah whatever’ 

For a few moments, his phone was silent. They took an exit off the highway.

“Everything okay?” Eld asked, reaching forward to change the radio station again.

“Fucking dandy,” Levi grumped, arms crossed over his chest. He watched guard rails give way to trees and suburbia. 

His phone chirped in his lap. ‘Still talk later?’

The escape of texting was ruined now by big leaden words sinking and pock marking his peace. ‘k’ he agreed, hoped his irritation bled all the way across satellites and radio waves or whatever the fuck allowed this to work. It must have when Erwin didn’t text him back.

At least Petra was okay.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erwin is horribly embarrassing and hard to write. Also thank you again for all the support! I really appreciate it.

In the second grade, Erwin hid during recess. He snuck away from the sun-warm rubber chipped playground and hid behind the steaming, condensation-dripping ventilation system that brought down the neighboring property value with its unsightlyness. He avoided detection well after the recess lady gathered up her clucking brood of children and took them into their classes. Ten heart-hammering minutes later, Erwin was found. He cried instantly, before his teacher could even begin to scold him.

“Why did you do that, Erwin?” His mother asked him, having received a phone call from his teacher. Erwin had spent the latter part of the day in the time out corner doing extra DOL – an extra extra dosage of his daily oral language. 

Having just about every adult in your life scold you on the same day turned Erwin into a red-faced shame-filled child, deferential and sufficiently sure that he would never be loved again, that his mom wouldn’t want him anymore and would give him to the army, a thought not helped by his father’s over exaggerated comment about boot camp and “bad boys need discipline” and his bottom smarted from the heavy hand of punishment. 

All cried out after a spanking, eyes dry and itchy, nose and mouth red and shiny from snot and wet bubbling spit, Erwin explained himself: “I wanted try.”

“Try what, Erwin?” His mother, always trying to get him to think, to take responsibility for himself.

“Disobedience.”

A disobedient child. The Smith’s had never fathomed raising one. And Erwin was only a child, truly just a small jellybean of a boy, a little chubsters, usually ready and willing for anything new, for helping. An angel, white hair, heaven-blue eyes. 

Disobedience tasted like no dessert for two weeks and no TV. 

The angry tone of Levi’s one word ‘k’ prevented Erwin from his still warm from the oven chocolate chip cookie at lunch. Erwin didn’t try to engage him again for the rest of the day and received nothing in return. His club meeting for the college newspaper that preceded eight oclock went over its allotted hour. It didn’t often, but tonight it did.

Probably because Erwin kept bringing up topics of discussion. Every time the room seemed to itch as a whole to leave, as people put their phones away, gripped their bags, the club president scanned the room in confirmation “I think that’s everything,” Erwin, as vice president, would shuffle his papers and clear his throat and wonder outloud about titillating concerns like, “would one of the art majors here look into us using the graphic design printers to get colour photos for the cover page” and stall another few minutes. 

Eventually, people just up and left and Erwin ran out of material to lie to Levi about for why it was now 8:34 and he hadn’t texted him about calling or said anything all day. He wound his scarf around himself carefully, zipped up his coat, dialed Levi’s number and put on his gloves while it rang.

Only while it was ringing did he truly understand that he just called Levi whose last name he didn’t even know. Who he knew online, who was a collage of pictures and humor and pixels. Levi was pixels and intangible. He was accidental, someone Erwin truly found by happenstance, caught his strings up with Levi in hyperspace.

Erwin had never been good at keeping friendships through the years. He maintained them like appliancse, got them tuned over the holidays at one big gathering. Enough so he could keep people in his pocket, in his phone contacts without it being utterly pointless. Regular conversation, daily interaction, that he didn’t do. People came and went, that’s how life was. He and Levi regularly compared their sandwich making skills.

The ringing stopped. 

“Erwin.”

Erwin breathed in the cold November air, felt the chill fall into his lungs. “Levi,” he said, almost a question like he doubted that yes, this was Levi, awed by the deep voice on the other end of the line. 

There was quiet and Erwin watched his boots going step step step over the sidewalk, cement squares splashed with lamp light passing under his feet. 

“Hi,” Levi murmured.

“Hi,” Erwin repeated, smiling despite his own trepidation. “Hi, Levi.”

“Hi, Erwin.”

Erwin grinned. “Hi,” he said one more time just to earn the reward of Levi’s exasperated huff on the other end of the line.

“Okay shut up with that.”

Erwin chuckled, and the night felt less cold just like that. With Levi on the other end of the line, this walk felt like a luxury.

“I’m sorry it’s later than I said originally. I just got out of newspaper club.”

“Well if that isn’t the dorkiest thing I’ve ever been stood up for,” Levi sighed, and Erwin heard a bed creak in the background. So Levi was warm in his home, in bed, and Erwin was talking into his ear.

“I didn’t stand you up, I just…got caught in traffic.” 

“What do you do for your newspaper, write an analogy column?”

“That was more like a metaphor, actually.”

“Nah-ah, that was so an analogy,” Levi argued, a bit more passionate and annoyed than Erwin expected. Right. Erwin had upset him earlier.

“It’s both,’ Erwin compromised, not wanting to get into turns of phrases right now. “And I’m vice president.”

“Ooooh, a man in power. Sexy. Too bad you’re not president cause then I’d let you call me Miss Lewinsky.” Levi’s sensual tone carried a sharp edge, a dangerous weapon meant to prod and poke at Erwin. 

“Mad, Levi?”

There was a breathy snort on the end of the line and more creaking and then: “You can’t just do that, Erwin,” that came out in a burst.

Erwin already knew what Levi spoke of. “Do what?”

“Jesus fucking fuck. You know.” Erwin gave Levi a few seconds to get more out. “Flirt and then take it back and shit.”

Erwin clenched his jaw, stopped at a street corner near his apartment to wait for the light to change. “I didn’t mean to make such a sexual comment.”

“It wasn’t even that sexual,” Levi whined. Erwin almost smiled.

“Levi,” he sighed, fond, horribly terribly fond. He liked the puff of Levi’s breathing over the phone. He liked this. “I like you too much to let this become – no, I like you too much for us to be sexual over text, for god’s sake, at least for the first time.”

It was a bold thing to say, and it caught Erwin off guard, but now that he said it, it was absolutely what held him back. Levi said “shit” but Erwin kept going, bolstered by his own clarity, by his pounding heart and stomach crawling up the back of his throat with nerves and energy.

“I’d much rather touch you, be with you. Not wait for you to send me a sexy text message. I can’t sext.” Erwin didn't want to settle, he wanted the real thing. "And sex is precious and intimate." 

“Woah, woah, hold the fuck up. Fuck, Erwin, what the fuck?”

Fuck. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. Oh, god, Levi, I’m sorry-“ but Levi was laughing at him so Erwin held the fuck up.

“Holy shit. Okaaay, so. Okay. That was unexpected.” Levi seemed to be talking to himself at this point so Erwin let him. When Levi stopped talking, Erwin didn’t try to dig for more, he held his tongue because he could only get more embarrassing and inappropriate if he tried to speak again. If it were snowing, his face would probably be radiating enough heat to make rain.

“I want you to touch me too,” Levi finally said. Erwin made a noise in his throat. “In fact, I’m pretty pissed off that your voice is so sexy too.”

“I could try my Donald Duck impersonation if you wanted…”

Levi laughed and Erwin closed his eyes because he bet Levi was smiling and he’d never seen Levi’s smile, only those moody pouts and frowns he wore in pictures. “Thanks for the offer, but I’d rather hear that in person so I get the full effect.”

“Naturally.” Erwin tested the knob of his apartment and it wasn’t locked so he went inside to greet the smell of amazing spaghetti. Mike’s gifted nose made him a king at cooking. 

“Hey man,” Mike greeted loudly from the kitchen. When he saw that Erwin was on the phone, he dropped his voice down. “Can you set the table?”

Erwin nodded. His stomach rumbled appreciatively when he saw half a baguette left in its paper. That meant only one thing: garlic bread. “You’re the best.”

“I am?” Levi asked, confused. 

“Oh. Sorry, I was talking to Mike.”

“Oh.”

“Not that you aren’t amazing too,” he assured quickly, all but tripping over his feet as he attempted to disentangle himself from his winter outer wear, juggle the phone and make an ass out of himself all at the same time.

“Who are you talking to?” Mike asked.

“Levi.”

“What?”

“Not you, sorry again. Mike.”

“Levi? Like the Levi, Levi from the internet Levi?” 

“Yes, Levi.”

“What?!”

“Mike again. Sorry.”

“Oh my god, Erwin,” Levi complained.

“Tell him I said hi.”

“Mike says hi.”

“Hi Mike.”

“Would you mind if I called you back in an hour or two? I think I’ve just gone insane.”

“Go, go. It’s not like we were having a moment or anything,” Levi teased. Erwin stopped his shuffling dance and stared at Mike, open mouthed with realization. Mike looked around the room, squinted. They had been having a moment, hadn’t they?

“I’ll call you later, I promise. And we’ll talk more about…,” Erwin frowned at Mike who was blatantly eavesdropping, “things.”

“Things. Great. We’ll talk about things and stuff and whatchya-mah-call-its and doo-hickies.” Levi sounded like he was talking to himself again.

“I meant what I said, Levi.” Erwin didn’t want to hang up with Levi doubting him. Not when Erwin just understood it himself. He wanted Levi to be sure. Erwin wanted more, wanted him, wanted to talk about it. Levi. God, he wanted to talk to Levi more. But also eat garlic bread.

“Yeah cause you’re a giant homosexual for me.”

“Bisexual,” Erwin corrected, mouth twitching up.

“Same difference.”

“Not really. Homosexuality and homosex relationships have a lot more-“

“Erwin. Hang up,” Levi interrupted.

“Yes. Goodbye, Levi.”

“See ya, big guy.”

Mike was all but crying laughing at this point. Erwin ignored him in favor of watching Levi’s name flicker off his phone as the call ended. Had that really just happened? 

“I think I just confessed to Levi,” Erwin said slowly. Yes, he had. He’d told Levi he wanted to touch him, be sexual. That…could have been done a lot more smoothly. And maybe with some forethought. Oh, he’d really just blurted out a complete disaster. “Really badly too.” 

At least he knew he meant it, even if he’d been uncharacteristically unprepared. Levi made Erwin out of sorts. Nervous. 

“It sounded like it went well from what I heard. Get the plates while you talk.” Mike shooed him into action and they maneuvered around each other like greased cogs, two over sized men in one tiny area. Mike got right of way generally because he held precious delicious food.

“I really like him. And we only text and snapchat-“

“-which is embarrassing to experience as your friend, by the way-“

“-thank you, Mike. Is that a bad thing, though? It’s not a conventional way to fall—to start a relationship,” Erwin amended. Mike tossed a hot piece of garlic bread between his hands, too hot to eat as he listened. 

“Who cares, Erwin. You like him, it happens. You rarely crush so whatever you’re feeling, go with it as long as you understand what you’re getting into.”

Erwin grabbed mismatched silverware. “What, a relationship?”

“A long distance relationship. That’s like taking the difficult level from average to extra hard.”

“Know any cheat codes?” 

"Your humor sucks," Mike laughed, mostly at Erwin rather than with him. “I’m really not your guy for this kind of thing.”

Erwin sighed. “Why do I even keep you around?”

“Arm candy.”

“Ah. Yes.”


	10. Chapter 10

Levi laid on his bed, squinting and searching his ceiling for an explanation for this sudden predicament he found himself in, one he absolutely had a hand in creating but not with proper understanding of the results. Without this intention. “I’m a monster, I’m Victor Frankenstein.”

Look what he had done. He made a nerd like him. And he…liked a nerd back. Dear God.

Even when he was alone, Levi habitually hid his smile. Running Erwin’s bumbling confession through his mind made Levi grin in embarrassment and glee. He rolled over onto his stomach and squished his face into a pillow. He wanted to share the buzz with someone. Who? Hanji and Petra. Both of them. Yes.

L: ‘lolololololol guess who fucking wants to bone me’  
H: ‘erwinnnn’  
P: ‘Erwin?’  
L: ‘yeah’  
P: ‘honey, this isn’t new information.’  
H: ‘erwin and levi sitting in a tree’  
L: ‘yeah he called me and was a disaster but he told me’  
H: ‘omg I don’t even need to know the complete story to feel second hand embarrassment for him’  
P: ‘Weren’t you mad at him earlier for giving you mixed signals?’  
P: ‘He isn’t a douche is he?’  
L: ‘nah its cool he apologized he’s just a prude or smt’  
H: ‘he helps grandmas he isn’t gonna be that guy yknow that dude guy who is like really smooth at sex.’  
L: ‘well put’  
P: ‘so what now?’  
L: ‘what what now?’  
P: ‘you like him he likes you. What now?’  
L: ‘no clue’  
H: ‘how did this go down tho did he just call and say he wanted to pork your pinkhole’  
P: ‘GROSS HANJI’  
L: ‘omggggggg no omgg’  
H: ‘that’s how I would do it. No one understands true romance anymore.’

Levi didn’t even have enough information to really give Petra and Hanji material to work with because, unfortunately, Erwin had to go. Which left Levi with way too much time to overthink by himself. Erwin liked Levi. Enough to want to do things, physical things, which the way Erwin talked, were very linked to his feelings for someone. So he like, really liked Levi. Horrifying.

Levi grimaced. God, now he was responsible for Erwin’s feelings. Gross. But also not gross because Erwin, Erwin was precious. 

The distance thing though, that fucked it up. And Erwin didn’t say he wanted to be with Levi, really, technically, did he? Only that he didn’t want to flirt. Maybe it had been some kind of warning, and Erwin just sucked at communicating. Paranoia distorted the recent memory until Levi knew he was just making his own head hurt. He grunted and flopped over on his bed, got up and went downstairs. 

“Didn’t expect to see you again tonight,” Shadis said as Levi stepped off the landing of the stairs. Usually Levi disappeared like a little mouse once he finished cleaning up dinner. His heart flame felt as delicate as a birthday candle, and the offhand comment made him flicker. Levi crossed to the couch and flopped down there, Shadis in his big old chair next to it. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled, curling up. Shadis glanced at him, surprised again.

“What’s wrong?” he asked plainly. 

“Gay stuff.”

A slow blink, a slight shifting in the chair. “Need to talk about it?”

Levi closed his eyes and snorted. “Nah, old man. I’ll figure it out.”

“No one’s giving you trouble?”

“Sir, no, sir.”

All the non-existent hairs on Shadis’s waxed bald head settled down. “Alright. Good.” Some contortionist twisted herself up like a creeping spider on the television. Fucking America’s Got Talent. “Is it that boy you’re always texting?”

Levi sighed loudly. “Keith,” he intoned, petulant and weary, “put the shot gun away, cool off.”

“Alright, smart mouth. Just don’t mope like no one’s listening to you.”

Levi pulled the throw blanket down off the back of the couch and snuggled in. “Did you sister tell us what side dish she wanted for Thanksgiving?”

“Yep. And I’ll tell you when you get around to telling me one damn thing you want for your birthday.”

“Aw come on. I wanna go grocery shopping this weekend. I don’t want anything.”

“You haven’t asked for a damn thing since you came into this house, and you’re turning twenty, so that’s a landmark year.”

“I wanna know what Aunt Jeana wants for a side dish. The brussel sprouts made us shit our brains out last year.”

“Make a potato.”

“Ceecee makes candied yams already.”

“Levi, gift.”

Levi huffed. “All I want is your unconditional love,” he snipped.

Shadis stared him down in the blue glow of the TV while the audience clapped for the contestants. Levi looked away and tucked down into his blanket. Beneath the veneer of humor layed the honest truth.

“Something practical. Like maybe a tune up on my car or something. Or just save your money.”

Shadis reached over to Levi and dropped a big hand onto his head. Levi accepted the warmth quietly and didn’t gripe at Shadis about leaning over so funny and putting a strain on his back. He let his eyes fall a little shut too when Shadis rubbed circles behind his ear. They watched the bad TV for a little until Levi’s phone rang, and then like a crack of lightning, Levi was off the couch and running upstairs. 

“Definitely a boy,” Shadis said.

 

“Erwin,” Levi answered slightly out of breath from his sudden dash upstairs. 

“Hello, Levi,” Erwin greeted warmly. Levi closed his door and got into bed, sure that Erwin could chase away winter’s chill just saying his name. Man, that was a gay thought.

“Will this be a sustainable phone call?” he had to ask, a little rueful. Erwin hummed on the other end of the line.

“I think so. Apologies again for…for all that. It was a lot to suddenly drop on you. I hope that I haven’t ruined our friendship or made you uncomfortable.”

Erwin had obviously been doing some thinking of his own, but his sounded a little more productive than Levi’s going by the rehearsed sounding words. “Erwin, hearing you tell me that you want to touch me did not ruin our friendship.”

“Good because I really like you and-“

“Stop there. Let’s focus on that,” Levi said, biting down on the opportunity.

“Yes?”

“When you say like. Like. Like like wanna bang or like like you like me and wanna do a thing.”

“That was borderline unintelligible.”

“Don’t mock me right now, I’m talking about gay stuff. Literally.”

“I suppose on your end the feelings are gay…,” Erwin cleared his throat. 

“Are you in your room?” Levi asked. He poked his bare feet along the cool inside of his bedsheets.

“I am. Are you?”

“Yeah. I’m in bed.” They’ve texted well into the night, until one of them fell asleep before. This wasn’t much different (except it totally was.) Levi had Erwin’s stead breathing in the palm of his hand. 

“Okay. Me too now. I had to eat dinner earlier and get ready for bed.”

Levi hummed. There was a pleasant lull in the conversation before Erwin spoke again.

“Would you mind if I wanted more from you?” he asked quietly, voice even but the carefulness of it gave him away. Levi closed his eyes, inhaled long and deep. His feet were freezing and his hands too from being out of the covers.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “More like what?”

“More like more than friendship.”

“Wow, really? Couldn’t have guessed that.”

“Hush, you, give me a moment.”

“C’mon, you suck at this. You had like two hours to come up with a good speech to woo me.”

“I thought I knew what I wanted to say, but you make it hard for me to think,” Erwin complained. Levi grinned, squirmed happily. It stroked his ego and some soft tender part of him that imagined Erwin with hesitant hands on his body and shy kisses.

“I do?”

“Yes,” Erwin sighed, then again, like he was happy about it too. “Yes, you do, Levi.”

“Aw. Cute. Okay. Take your time, make it good.”

“Thank you,” Erwin said primly. Levi snorted. He pinched at the wrinkles in his bedsheet beneath his hand while he waited.

“Okay. I think I have something decent,” Erwin said after a minute. “You already feel very special to me, and I want that feeling to increase. And I want to be special to you.”

“Special friends,” Levi snickered. He remembered a super Christian girl at school having a “special friend,” for her basically-fiance with another super Christian boy. “You’re already special to me, Erwin.”

“I’m glad. I don’t know how this will work with-“

“-the distance? Yeah. Probably like balls.”

“Exactly. Like balls. So I don’t want to make the jump to boyfriend because the dynamic might not work out. So, would you like to…to..”

“Take an unofficial boyfriend test run?” Levi offered.

“Sounds awful, doesn’t it?”

Levi grunted. “Eh.” It wasn’t enchanting by any means. He still felt light and giddy, maybe a little nauseated by the idea of ruining this, everything. He’d probably ruin it. “I’ll probably suck anyway so no harm no foul.”

“You won’t suck,” Erwin protested, confident and firm. “I don’t see how you could.”

Levi frowned. “It’s only cause I can hide how shitty I am from you.” Beat. “Fuck nevermind.”

“Levi.”

“No shit. Forget it. Let’s do this not-boyfriend thing, fuck it. I wanna see your stupid face when you wake up again and talk to you a bunch and shit." His barely-there grasp on speech evaporated with his frustration. 

Erwin held tense on the other end of the phone before he let out a short breath. “Ditto.”

“Slow down, Swayze.”

“Ghost is such a good movie,” Erwin enthused. Levi shook his head, mouth upturned again. 

“Ghost Busters.”

“Weekend at Bernie’s.”

“Young Frankenstein.”

“St. Elmo’s Fire.”

“Wait what’s that one?” Levi frowned. Erwin never beat him at the movie game.

“The ultimate 80’s movie. Lot of the cast from The Breakfast Club.”

“Ew, gag me. I hate that movie.”

“Well now I’m glad you aren’t my boyfriend because I’d have to break up with you,” Erwin teased.

Levi rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Shut up, asshole. It’s a bad movie. Empire Records is the much better stereotype coming of age teen shenanigans movie.”

“Well I haven’t heard of that one so it must not be.”

“Well maybe you should watch it before you get all judgey judge.”

Erwin chuckled. “Fine, I will. If you watch St. Elmo’s Fire.”

“Fine,” Levi agreed, pretending to be upset. He gentled right after. “Wanna uhm like, skype and watch them and stuff?”

“Like a movie date?” He thought he could hear the smile in Erwin’s voice.

“Yeah, guess so. That’s why god made Skype anyway, right?”

“Isn’t your webcam broken?”

Fuck. “Uhh, I’ll fix it. And then we’ll do that.”

“Looking forward to it….it’s on Netflix, right?”

“Probably. Just download it if not.”

“Illegally?”

“For fuck’s sake, Erwin. Yes.”

“Relax, I’m kidding.” 

Levi felt a brief flare of embarrassment and huffed into the phone so Erwin knew it. Erwin hummed, concillatory, and Levi didn’t respond. It was dark in his room except for spots of lights from his various pieces of technology charging and what came in from the window, which was nothing more than distant light pollution. 

“Do I make you smile?” Erwin asked, apropos of nothing. Levi rolled over onto his stomach, elbows planted sharply into his mattress, frown very present on his face.

“Yeah a bunch. Why?”

“Oh. You just never smile in photos. I wasn’t sure if your face was stuck so sulky…”

“It’s not. I smile.”

Silence stretched and Levi knew Erwin was probably waiting for something, an explanation, but Levi held it back with stony resolution until Erwin conceded with a “just checking.”

Phones were weird. Levi could make all the faces he wanted and touch his own dick and pick his nose and Erwin had no clue. Technology was mad fucked up. “I kinda want you to be here,” he mumbled, smoothing out his pillowcase. He felt twelve again, when he discovered boys and crushes. Before everything went bad and a braces-clad smile could spread sunshine and daisies to his day.

“Me too,” Erwin said softly. They held onto the admissions together, held their phones tighter and wished and wished for something easy. Levi bit the inside of his cheek.

“I gotta get up for work tomorrow. So I’m just gonna…end this call.”

“Of course. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” A hopeful edge, like Levi wasn’t already totally crushing and desperate for him. Fucker. Erwin probably didn’t even realize. 

“Sure thing, Erwin. Night.”

“Goodnight, Levi.” 

“Night,” Levi repeated like a fool before he tore the phone away from his ear and hung up before he could get anymore pathetic.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance for this chapter, it's an emotional roller coaster.

It turned out they were pretty good at being not-boyfriends. Not much changed except the idea of them, really. Maybe they consistently sent each other good morning and good night snaps, and Erwin troubled Levi about petty complaints he previously hadn’t, and Levi may have sent Erwin a snapchat of him while he was taking a shit and Erwin totally called him out on it. (“Please just never tell my mother you send me pictures of yourself while you’re pooping.”) (Levi figured hey, if Erwin still thought about introducing Levi to his mom, everything was cool.)

Levi complained about St. Elmo’s Fire being too long and Erwin kept quoting Lucas’s lines from Empire Records. 

“What are you doing over your winter break?” Levi asked over the phone while his Thanksgiving pies baked. He had blueberry made with blueberries he froze earlier this year, pumpkin and apple. Shadis specifically told him to “quit trying to make me fat,” but Levi completely disregarded that. He needed the extra calories anyway if he ever wanted to get an ass like Nicki Minaj – a true impossibility because she was a goddess but he could dream.

He just wanted a bubble butt; was that too much to ask for? He should tell Shadis that’s what he wanted for his birthday.

“I have an internship down in Alabama for a non-profit. I’m gonna help people apply for SNAP. What about you?”

“Hey, that’s awesome. I was on food stamps before.” He said it unthinkingly and wished he hadn’t immediately.

“You were?”

“Uh, yeah. I mean like. Yeah. Whatever.” Erwin, tactful, let him go. “But I’m working at my normal installation job and then I’ll be doing a second job for the city’s symphony as assistant production manager.”

“You work with a symphony?” Erwin asked, awed. 

“Yeah.” Levi wiped flour off the counter. He felt a tickle of pride at the tone of Erwin’s voice. “You like that kinda music?”

“I do. I used to go with my mom to a lot of orchestras and shows after my dad died. I took his place.”

“Well if you want to come, I’ll get you tickets.”

“I probably won’t be able to,” Erwn said gently and Levi tried to stem his disappointment because obviously, he knew that, but sometimes he forgot. He forgot that he couldn’t show up to Erwin’s late at night and kiss him or drive on an empty road with him or bake a pie with him. He didn’t even know what Erwin smelled like.

“Right yeah.” He rinsed off his hand. “I’ll record it for you, how bout that?” he said, struck by the idea. “And we’ll watch it together. If you want.”

“Levi, that’s an amazing idea.” 

Levi blushed. “It’ll just be like watching shit on Netflix.”

“No. It’ll be more important. Do you think we could do it on Christmas Eve maybe? If you aren’t too busy?”

“I’m sure I can make time for you,” he said casually. Absolutely yes. 

“You’re wonderful. You’re doing wonderfully, Levi.” Erwin’s voice came through sweetly, filling Levi up like the smell of warm cinnamon. Levi bowed over his counter, held his head in his one hand and the phone in the other. 

“Am I?” he asked with wonder, surprised, relieved. He craved the reassurance, he craved Erwin’s affection and approval. But the words made him hesitate. He never did wonderfully. It was a fluke.

“Yes. I can’t wait…I sincerely hope everything works out for us. I’m already looking forward to having you with me. When the time comes. I hope I’m meeting your expectations as well.” Erwin always started off like he knew what he was saying, like he wanted to be a man, someone wise and assured, but he was just a twenty year old in college up to his head in debt like everyone else.

“I think the sun shines out of your undoubtedly attractive asshole, Erwin Smith,” Levi said firmly. “And you cheer me up even when every other godforsaken fuckhead in this world takes a dump on all things right and good.”

Erwin laughed once, a hard ‘ha.’ “So I’m doing okay too?”

“Yeah. Best not-boyfriend ever. You win the fucking prize.”

“Are you the prize?”

Levi tried not to pinken over that because it was stupid like Erwin. “Don’t objectify me,” he sassed. 

“Forgive me. So what are you doing right now?” Subject change, dirty trickster.

“Baking pie like the ideal housewife I was meant to be. What are you doing right now?”

“Trying and failing to find this sweater my mom bought me last year. Going to my grandparents for Thanksgiving tomorrow. What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

Erwin’s family was all “white picket fence comfortably middle class and anyone over age fifty is casually racist.” 

“Goin’ to Shadis’s family in Georgia.”

“Shadis’s family?” Erwin asked, confused. 

“Yeah. Shadis. His family. Shadis’s family.” Sometimes Levi wondered how Erwin made the dean’s list.

“Aren’t they you’re family too?” 

“Sorta.”

“That’s kind of sad,” Erwin said and Levi could hear the frown and disapproval. He bristled.

“Why’s it sad? They’re good people. It ain’t sad.”

“I don’t know what it’s like to be adopted, but I’m sure you’re very loved. It’s just sad to hear you differentiate them or feel that way.”

“…I’m not adopted.” Not literally at least.

“I—you aren’t? But you’ve called Shadis your dad and you don’t really talk about other family.”

Levi cleared his throat. “I’m emancipated. But like, I’m nineteen now so it doesn’t matter. Holy shit, you thought the old black ex-marine Vietnam veteran up and decided to adopt some gay ass Asian baby like fucking, I don’t know what, Angelina on roids?”

“You’re being overly dramatic,” Erwin grumbled. “And you can hardly blame me for drawing that conclusion when you don’t tell me anything about your family life.” He exhaled hard, frustrated, “Your name isn’t even Levi Shadis, is it?”

“Nope,” Levi denied, meeting Erwin’s frustration with spiteful pleasure in it. 

“So what is it?” Erwin asked with thin patience.

“Don’t wanna tell you.”

“Levi, that isn’t cute.”

Levi bit the inside of his cheek. “I’m not being cute. I don’t want you to know,” he snapped. “It’s a bad name. I tell people it’s Shadis most times anyway. It’s just a name.”

“If it’s just a name, why can’t I know it? It’s worrisome you don’t want me to know it.” When Levi held his tongue, a sick fury making sour spit drip down the inside of his cheeks, Erwin pressed on, digging at Levi’s secrets. “Did you do something bad? I won’t Google you if that-“

“-Just shut the fuck up, Erwin. Fuck.” He squeezed his eyes shut, phone digging into his face, fist clenched tightly around the rag and making it drip onto the counter. “Shadis is my dad and I’m Levi Shadis so just let it go.” 

“Don’t speak to me that way,” Erwin said coolly, voice tight control, taut, while Levi clutched at his sink counter and frayed. Levi swallowed, face hot. Great, now he was the bad guy.

“You’re the one who’s prying at my life,” he defended; weakness and guilt and regret made his mouth stick like some medieval torture device. 

“And I won’t do it again, Levi. It’s obviously very upsetting and I’m sorry for that, but I won’t have you speak to me that way either.” 

“Fine.” Levi tried to breathe in the sweet smell of baking pies, but it made him feel sick like rancid butter. 

“Are you going to apologize to me?” Erwin asked after a few seconds of Levi’s silence.

“No,” he mumbled. He knew he should but he didn’t want to. He was mad so why should he have to say sorry for being mad, for feeling. 

“Really, Levi?” Erwin sounded so hurt. Levi curled over the sink.

“No,” he repeated, breath hitching. Erwin breathed out on the end of the line. He just needed to say it, say he was sorry. But that was conceding, being wrong. He didn’t want to, he wanted Erwin to just know, to understand and pretend it didn’t happen. They waited. Levi angled the phone away from his mouth so Erwin couldn’t hear his unsteady breathing. Eventually Levi won with his silence, won at not having to give an inch or do what was right.

“I’m disappointed. I really can’t talk to you right now, Levi. Call me back when you’re being reasonable.”

Levi swallowed. “Kay. Bye.” And he wasn’t sure if Erwin was still on the phone with him anymore. The fight blanked his mind, left him dazed. They’d been doing so well, he’d been doing so well. Wonderful. Erwin said he was wonderful, and now he was disappointing because Levi wasn’t fucking reasonable enough to apologize for cursing and snapping at Erwin, getting ugly and mean because ugly and mean was in his blood and his name and it ran in the family and –

A hand took him by the shoulder, its presence so shocking that Levi jumped and made a startled, terrified noise. “Levi, it’s okay, son,” Shadis soothed, words calming authority. He pulled Levi to his chest, wrapped him up. Levi sank, stone heavy, against him and his ratty terry cloth robe. Levi held onto him like a child because Shadis didn’t push him away when Levi needed handfuls of his sturdy frame to hold himself up. “It’s okay, son,” Shadis repeated, smoothing down Levi’s hair and holding him until the timer on the oven went off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One thing that Levi lacks in fandom is exploration with his other comrades, particularly Shadis. I know Shadis wasn't commander for super long after Levi joined the Corp, but I would love to see some mentoring between them. 
> 
> Levi has a dark past, big surprise there.


	12. Chapter 12

Levi apologized later that night with his tail tucked between his legs. Erwin was still angry about being treated that way, but Levi’s soft mumbling apology and vocal flinching hesitation made Erwin hurt more for his own lack of understanding. Levi rarely raised his voice, even when he was enthusiastic about something, and the burst of anger, the height and temper of it, hinted at a sore wound. 

“You didn’t deserve that and I don’t want to talk to you like that. I’m sorry, Erwin.”

He wondered if Levi looked as small as he sounded. “Apology accepted, Levi.”

“I have a bad temper,” he started to say. Erwin tsked his tongue lightly.

“Look, I don’t really care about the excuse, Levi. Make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“Jesus, you’re such a hard ass,” Levi complained. 

“Military family,” Erwin replied smoothly. “And self respect.”

Levi didn’t respond and Erwin mentally sighed. He refused to take shit from people, and sometimes his demands for decency and respect were off putting to people who grew up in households without discipline or in casual lifestyles. But Shadis was not casual nor Levi undisciplined. Erwin saw the military tuck of his made bed and the pristine background of his home in photos, Levi’s mod military haircut and his well maintained body. Shadis was ex-military too, anyway. Anger issues were plausible, and maybe Levi did have a real excuse for his outburst and secrecy, but the fact remained that Erwin wouldn’t tolerate it, not from anyone. 

“I want to know more about you, Levi,” Erwin eventually said, tone gentled from his earlier command. “I don’t want to force it out of you, though. But if we’re going to do this, be something, I need you to open up with me.” 

If the subject was that touchy, it might be too soon to ask for such things from Levi. “Levi?”

“I can’t,” came the stiff response. Erwin decided he hated how closed off Levi sounded. “Not right now. Can…can you just not know stuff for now?”

“I can. I can wait, Levi. But I want you to know now that when I’m with someone, I’d like to know them and be intimate.”

There was a soft snort. “Fuckin’ wanna know all my shitty secrets but won’t send me a dick pic.”

Erwin allowed himself an amused smile. “No, no dick pics, sorry. You’ll just have to content yourself with my smiling face and bisexual feelings.”

Levi snorted a little more loudly. “Okay, Erwin. I’m okay with that…are you still mad at me?”

“I guess not anymore. The incident still upsets me but I’m not mad at you. Just the behavior.” 

“You sound like a psychologist.”

“I like to think I sound well adjusted.”

“Wonder what that’s like,” Levi joked flatly. Erwin wondered in a half thought if Levi hated himself sometimes.

“I get back from Alabama for Christmas and then I’m home after that with my mom until I go back to school.”

“That’s cool.”

“So I’ll be in Annapolis.”

“Yeah?”

“So I’d like to invite you to come stay with me, if that would fit into your work schedule at any point.” Erwin’s heart beat firmly in his chest. 

“Wait what?” Levi sounded genuinely puzzled. “But I was just a bitch to you and you wanna see me still?”

“Of course,” Erwin assured, surprised. “Levi. Yes. This would be the best time for it, I think. I won’t be busy at school, and we can do a lot in the city. You can meet my mom, too.”

“Uhm.”

Erwin had done it again, rushed into a confession, a request, without thinking. Levi just did that to him. Erwin heard his voice and instantly wanted to hold him and be able to really see him. And he knew they’d never make it past where they were now if they didn’t meet and have contact, if they couldn’t reassure themselves of this chemistry that translated through distance and make sure it burned up close too. “If it doesn’t work, I understand,” he said, going for casual, like Levi’s lack of instant enthusiasm didn’t sting and make his gut clench worrisomely. He never wanted to lose this voice in his ear.

“No..no, I’ll look at what the symphony is doing. It’s only four weeks, so if you’re around in January, it should be okay.”

“I will be.”

“Oh. Huh. Okay.”

 

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. Do you need to ask your mom’s permission?” Levi sounded light again, but somehow more distant.

Erwin licked his lips and chuckled, still nervous. “Yes. I haven’t told her about you yet. I wanted to save her the stress of me meeting people on the internet until after the holiday.”

“Will she care that I’m a guy?”

“Not noticeably. I’m sure she’ll overcompensate for the situation and feed you a lot of cookies and try to buy you underwear or something silly to show she cares.”

“As if I’m not awkward enough in person, talking about underwear with your mom might break me.”

“Are you awkward?” Levi always seemed witty and a controlled-aloof. He seemed very cool in a way Erwin could never be, in a way other people wanted to be, hence his large online following.

Laughter, the self effacing kind. “Yeah. I suck at people. I don’t think you know what you’re getting into with me. You’re gonna be disappointed.”

Erwin frowned. “I won’t be. What makes you suck at people?”

“I just,” Levi sighed. “A lot of stuff.” He spoke more quietly. “Just not a social butterfly. I make people uncomfortable.”

“Not me.”

“Right, not you.” Levi didn’t sound convinced.

“But you want to see me, right?" 

"Yes, shit. I want to see you, Erwin. I'm just nervous. Big deal, yknow."

"I know." He was nervous too, but once they were together, it'd tell them everything. "I’ll explain that you’re shy. As long as you’re polite to my mom, everything will be fine.” Erwin rubbed a hand through his hair, looking around his childhood bedroom in the half dark of a city-lit night. “Why don’t you think about it, we have time.” 

“Kay,” Levi agreed. Erwin tried to fill in the gaps of Levi’s life, of his short words and close-kept secrets. Levi was a mirage of dark hair and a dark look on his face and slow curling words in Erwin’s ear and patient learning when Erwin rambled about classes and theories that Levi had never heard of before Erwin. 

No sooner had they hung up and Erwin closed his eyes to find sleep, quite sure he’d need his energy if he was going to eat all the turkey his Nanny would heap onto his plate, did his phone vibrate with a text from Levi.

‘Thought about it. Put your name at the top of my Christmas list.’

Erwin didn’t think he needed to respond to it. He’s save it for the morning to start his day off right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's happening. They're gonna meet in the next chapter. A LOT is going to happen with that and I'm close to wrapping this fic up.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im literally so tired and want to give you guys something.

Christmas Eve, after family dinner, after clean up, Erwin had a glass of red wine with his mom, holding her slight frame comfortably and watching a row of votive candles flicker in the currents of the heated air.

Sarah Smith married her husband when he was a handsome young thing that owned more than one powder slate blue pilot jumpsuit. She loved him on the edge of endless fear. Like a kernel of corn stuck in her tooth, the notion of him being snatched away from her something she worried at with her tongue but couldn’t dislodge. After he’d left active duty, she’d put her guard down: a mistake. She couldn’t help herself from thinking on Stephen now, as Erwin spoke in the even cadence he’d learned from his father, about a boy that made him smile at just about every word.

“A more managerial position for the symphony was good for him,” Erwin mused, having finally opened up to his mother about Levi and found himself unable to stop once it started. Sarah, luckily, had a mother’s patience. Erwin could win the ear of a rock, she thought, the way he spoke. Erwin, when he fixed his gaze on a subject, could talk hills to grow into mountains. And that was just from his full voice, let alone when he looked you in the eyes. His father’s eyes. Sometimes Erwin killed his mother without knowing it, turning her blood cold like he was a walking ghost.

She touched the back of his neck where his hair fanned out a little wild along the nape of his neck, too full. She should have sent him off for a hair cut before Christmas. At least this showed he was still her boy in need of his mom, even if just for a little trim.

“I know his supervisor position at the installation job with Shadis gives him the leadership for his resume, but he was happy to have a job he really felt he earned. Wish he’d go to school and get at least an associates. I keep telling him.” Erwin blew out into his wine glass, made the red ripple and the inside fog briefly. Erwin sipped it, lowered the glass to balance on his knee.

“I know you want to help him but don’t step on his toes. He sounds very independent, don’t be overbearing.”

Erwin huffed. “That’s what he said. I mean, he doesn’t need a degree to do his work, but you know how that works. He’s limiting himself so much.”

“What does his father say on the subject?” Erwin made Levi’s family life sound tidier and less confusing than Levi did. 

“Not sure. Levi didn’t say. I looked at a few schools nearby him and programs, and have some facts to show the benefits of having a degree.”

Sarah gave Erwin a look, squeezed his knee. “Don’t bother him about it when he visits.”

“I wasn’t,” Erwin protested in a guilty sigh. Sarah lifted her eyebrows and Erwin smiled weakly. “I won’t. I don’t want to get into anything like that.”

“That’s right. I want to meet him and not have you trying to enroll him in school at the same time.”

Sarah watched as, slowly, Erwn lost himself in a daydream and grew a private smile. She sipped her wine, looked away from Erwin. This meet-up would give them some steam power, but she didn’t think anything would come of the relationship. It wasn’t like Erwin to get fanciful about people like this, but she supposed he had hormones and a young heart somewhere beneath his father’s hard convictions.

It took Levi a little while to work up to telling Shadis. He told Shadis about Erwin, cut to the chase with that. “I might like a boy,” Levi blurted out over dinner. Shadis paused, a green little pea rolling off the tines of his fork and plopping down onto his mashed potatoes. 

“The boy you met online?”

“Uh-huh.”

“How’s that work.” Shadis gestured with his fork before spearing the poor little pea. He nibbled on it pointedly, if it was possible to nibble on a pea, eyes heavy on Levi who took a long stalling sip from his water glass. “You better not be sending nekked pictures of yourself to him.”

Levi swallowed funny and choked on his water. Shadis watched him wheeze and sputter.

“Levi, swear to God above, if someone comes round with pictures of your pale ass trying’ta blackmail you, I’m gonna skin you.”

“Good thing I’m not aiming t’be president, huh?”

Shadis’s slate blank faces was not amused. Levi mixed his peas and little pieces of pork into his mound of potatoes. “No, Shadis, I’ve been very modest. You can still promise me to a fine husband, probably trade me off for a few goats.”

Shadis didn’t so much as twitch.

“Two whole goat.” Levi ate a pea and matched his stare. This went on for a solid minute before Shadis nodded and said: “He better be a nice boy.” That was that. Sort of.

Levi doubled checked his work schedule in January, coordinated the dates with Erwin – three days at his house, a stomach turning thought – and made sure everything was set before Levi worked up the gumption to tell Shadis that he planned on driving to stay with said boy from the internet.

“Are you sure, Erwin, are you very sure you want me to come see you?” Levi asked again, not so much nervous anymore as being a bit ridiculous. They’d been talking about it so often that now it was normal, almost. He would be seeing Erwin in a little over two weeks. He would be touching Erwin. Kissing him. He wanted to kiss Erwin and a whole fucking shitload of other things with him. 

“As fun as it is not being able to do really embarrassing things like hold your hand, yes, I’m sure I want you to come here.”

Levi clicked his tongue. “Okaaay~. Then I’m gonna go tell Shadis and you can deal with him.”

“Wait. Deal with him?” Erwin hadn’t even met Shadis yet, but he seemed intimidating enough to make Erwin frown.

Levi didn’t smile, but his eyes twinkled with a malicious glee. “My daddy loves me,” was his explanation. Then he left his computer chair, Erwin dangling on the other end of the skype call, and went to fetch Shadis. Erwin fidgeted in his seat, and when he saw Shadis, a very tall very scary looking man come in through Levi’s bedroom door and cut right across to sit down in the chair Levi had vacated, Erwin sat up stiff straight.

“Sir,” he greeted before Shadis had finished squinting and frowning at technology. 

“Erwin Smith. Your daddy was Air Force?” 

“Yes, sir. Tacticle flyer in the ninth for Desert Storm and again in Desert Fox.”

Shadis nodded, respectful. “Sorry he’s gone, son.”

Erwin closed his eyes briefly, but only just a moment of vulnerability. “Thank you, sir.” Levi stood behind Shadis, leaning against the back of his computer chair, observing. He and Erwin met eyes through the computer screen and Levi tipped his chin down ever-so-slightly in silent condolence. A car accident, of all things, had robbed Erwin of his father. 

“Levi, scoot downstairs for a bit while I talk to Erwin,” Shadis commanded once the moment had passed. 

“Tch. You’re gonna bully him,” Levi protested. “I need to protect him.” 

Erwin smiled, hoping he looked non-threatening and wholesome. 

“Go,” Shadis said, shooing at Levi with a distracted hand over his shoulder. Levi leaned over Shadis’s back to talk better to Erwin. 

“He only acts scary,” he reassured. Shadis looked long suffering more than anything. Levi wiggled his fingers at Erwin before leaving his room dutifully, all things considered, not looking very upset that Shadis wanted to do this. The door shut behind Levi. 

“How did you and Levi meet?” Shadis asked, not suspicious but still demanding.

“Online, on a blogging website called tumblr,” Erwin explained, not sure if Levi had told Shadis this yet (he had.) “He was talking about baking peach cobbler and I asked him if the orchard donated the gleaned produce.”

Shadis looked briefly confused, maybe embarrassed that that was how Erwin had initiated conversation with his boy. (“He’s a big dork-puppy. Maybe a seal, those are like dumb dog things.”) He didn’t let it slow him down. “And now you two are dating?”

Here Erwin flinched slightly. “Not quite, sir. We both understand the fragility of our current relationship, so we’re very carefully and maturely exploring that territory.”

“So when Levi visits you, you’ll take him out and treat him nicely.” It was not a question.

“Yes, sir. I know it’s cold, but I want to take him to downtown Annapolis and walk around the harbor. And my mom will be around too, plenty. I…I like your son very much, sir.”

“He’s a peach,” Shadis agreed with a hint of humour. “Give me your momma’s number, why don’t you. I’d like to verify all this with her. I expect my boy back happy as a clam and in one piece after this trip.”

Erwin smiled at the threat. “Absolutely.”

A dark look passed over Shadis’s face, thinking about how upset Levi had been that one night after a fight with Erwin. “Good. I hope to meet you one day, Erwin. I’ll send Levi back up to you.”

“You too, sir. Thank you.” 

Shadis patted Levi’s back in the kitchen. “You just take care of yourself, son,” Shadis said, a scowly favored teddy bear. Levi elbowed him just a little and scampered off, leaving behind a rack of clean dishes. 

Levi dropped down into his chair and spun a little. “Yo. How was the waterboarding”

Erwin leaned forward, chin in his hand, a soft expression on his face. “Not bad. I think he wanted to make it clear that I had to give you back after three days.”

Levi scoffed. 

 

Two weeks became a week became a few days became a few hours. 

“Go to sleep,” Levi mumbled into the phone. His eyelids felt like a guillotine blade, trying to slice off his light, so damn heavy with sleep, but he couldn’t put his mind to rest. Erwin was apparently in the same position.

“Trying. Can’t.”

“Sleep, stupid.”

“I get to see you. Levi,” Erwin had a way of making the space after his name sound so full with unspoken words. Levi cuddled into his blankets more, searching for the fullness another body would give him. He wanted to sleep with Erwin, let Erwin talk him into sleep, wake up to hear him. This voice coming with a warm touch.

“Yeah. Just gotta survive the drive.”

Erwin hummed. “Right. You need to be alert. I’ll let you go.”

“Bout damn time,’ Levi chuckled. He licked his lips. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Just a few hours.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Night, Erwin.” Tomorrow he would be saying that to Erwin’s face. Possibly, even, say it against his mouth. Fall asleep saying it with Erwin sighing it back beside him.

“Goodnight, Levi. Sweet dreams. Safe driving if you leave before I wake up.”

“Lazy.” Levi didn’t hang up and neither did Erwin. They caught each other like that, waiting, before Erwin cleared his throat, working up to saying something big. Levi hunkered down for the blast.

“Levi…I want you to know that you are so amazing to me. Before you come here, before I even kiss you, because God I want to kiss you, I want you to know that--

“I love you too,” Levi blurted before Erwin could even finish, his heart beating so fast and sweat pumping to his palms and armpits like a leaky pipe. He held his breath after, not even daring to swallow, the whole night too loud and too quiet at once. The crinkle of the pillow beneath his ear was deafening, but he could hear the silence over the phone too. “I’ve never said that to someone before that – fuck. Fuck shit. I don’t want to marry you so it isn’t like that or anything.”

“Levi. I love you,” Erwin said back, sounding a lot more awake than he had a moment ago.

“G-great, great,” Levi stuttered, whispering in a high pitched voice. 

“I think so,” Erwin sounded amused. “I trust you very much and can’t really imagine not knowing you.”

“Same, yeah.” He trusted Erwin and yet he kept all the bruised parts of himself hidden. 

“You do?” Erwin asked, soft. Levi couldn’t decide if that was true or not.

“Yeah, obviously, like, I love you. I want you around,” Levi mumbled. “Make me happy and all that good stuff.” That wasn’t the same thing as trust, not exactly, and they both knew it. Trust couldn’t be said, it had to be performed. Erwin called him on the anniversary of his father’s death and asked for Levi’s time that day just to listen to him. Levi knew how Erwin sounded when he was groggy with tears. 

“I can’t wait to see you,” Erwin said. Levi nodded. “Levi?”

“Yeah?”

“It’ll be okay.” Levi heard Erwin roll over in bed. He copied the imagined movement. “Will you trust me when I say it’ll be easy tomorrow?”

Levi doubted it very much. “Okay.”

“And that I won’t be disappointed in you?”

“Okay.” 

Erwin breathed. “Are you excited for me to hold you?”

“Yeah. A ton.” In some ways, he couldn’t imagine how they would comport themselves, how they’d fit, but he pieced it together in blurred frames, the way it might feel.

“Wanna do a jigsaw puzzle together?” 

Levi chuckled. “Yeah.”

“Can I kiss you when I see you?”

“Uh-huh,” Levi nodded again. “Just don’t hurt yourself bending down to reach me.”

“I’ll be appropriately cautious.”

Levi smiled, somewhat soothed. He pulled the phone away to check the time, brought it back to his ear. “Erwin, it’s like two o’clock.”

A sigh. “Yes, it is. If I sleep, you’ll be here sooner. So this is goodnight, Levi. I love you.”

“Love you too. Brush your teeth a bunch tomorrow.” Levi hung up on Erwin’s laughter.


	14. Chapter 14

Driving to Annapolis went a little something like this. . .

“Jesus fucking Christ, that’s it, yeah, just fucking pull out in your big minivan and block my line of sight. Not like I’ve been sitting here for five minutes. Jesus fuck, yes, go, just fucking go. Fuck me. Fuck me. No. You piece of shit nondescript windowless creeper-mobile get the fuck -- fucking fuck. Fuck. I hate Maryland drivers. Get off the highway. Shit. MERGE FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK. . .”

 

Levi parked in the visitor spot outside Erwin’s condo. At first he dragged his duffel bag out of the back seat, but then he realized it would interfere with his initial hug. Erwin was literally FEET away from him. Actual walking distance. Just inside the house. A doorbell away. Levi eased his car door shut with the reality, short on breath, straining like the metalic creak of its hinges. He ran to the door, failed to curb his excitement.

The doorbell, framed by a thin metal ornament plate, beckoned his index finger. Levi touched the pad of his index finger to it like a scanner but didn’t apply any pressure. 

He bit his lip and dropped his hand, took two steps back before he turned and walked away.

 

Erwin had one check in with Levi when Levi stopped at Sheetz. ‘Kindly getting mouthwash so you don’t have to greet coffee breath. Almost there.’ Erwin checked online and Levi was anywhere from 40 to 15 minutes away depending on which location he texted from. Erwin patted on his nicest cologne, double checked the neatness of his khaki slacks, ironed this morning and made sure all the bathrooms had toilet paper. As charming as Levi snapchatting him mid-bowel movement was, he’d rather avoid having to rescue Levi from being stranded on the toilet anytime during this visit. 

He spent the anxious wait for Levi by pacing through his home, tidying here and there, hands twitchy. He thought about using the bathroom himself, but imagined that the moment he sat down, the doorbell would ring and he’d trip with his pants around his ankles. It seemed like the sort of disaster that would happen for such a situation. 

House empty aside from him and the wait crushing him, Erwin broke and put a pot of leftover cider on the stove and opened up a box of mulling spices to stir in, filling his house with a welcoming smell. When he opened a cabinet to set out the nice glasses, his doorbell rang.

Erwin caught himself running to the door, slowed himself. He told Levi he loved him last night – no, Levi told him. Beat him to it. Levi loved him. They loved each other….Erwin passed a mirror in his short hallway and caught himself in a tight frown. His heart was in his throat, his stomach dropped so low he felt breakfast punching at his butt. 

Levi considered “sunshine butt” a term of endearment.

Erwin smiled to himself, chuckled. Levi likened him again and again to sunshine and puppies and autumn bloomed sunflowers. There was no way this wouldn’t go great.

One last sniff to his armpit and hand to smooth his hair down neatly before he opened the door, bracing his whole self to finally see Levi.

His neighbor Carla, holding her son and daughter’s hand, smiled at him from his doorstep. “Morning Erwin.”

Eren hugged his mother’s hip and Mikasa stared past him into his home with detached interest.

Erwin tried not to look as horrifyingly let down as he felt. “Hi, Mrs. Jeager. What can I do for you?” Please please don’t ask him to babysit.

Carla shook Eren’s hand a little and looked down at him. “Eren has a message for you. Eren? Tell Erwin what that young man said.”

Erwin’s heart picked up again.

Eren adopted a very serious expression, responsible for such an adult thing. “He saaaiiiddd to check your snaps.”

Carla smiled. “You have a good day, Erwin,” she said knowingly as Erwin had already turned away, front door hanging open, to get his phone from off the kitchen table. As told, there was a waiting snap for him to open.

The camera panned around the inside of a grocery store before Levi turned it around and pouted at the camera, looking, frankly, alarmingly cute. “Erwin, help, I’m lost.”

No he obviously was fucking not lost, the little shit, Erwin thought. He held his phone while he quickly shoved his feet into his sneakers and grabbed his coat, waiting for more snaps from Levi. Surprisingly, none came. He alternated looking from his phone to the sidewalk, and occasionally glancing at the street beside him for Levi’s old Volvo to come rumbling along beside him. He wouldn’t put it past Levi to holler out his window and make a show of picking up Erwin.

Sadly, nothing came. Erwin walked two blocks to Giant, past the automatic sliding doors. He went aisle by aisle through the store, anticipating Levi at every turn. His adrenaline kept him alert, his excitement sweaty-palmed. Levi was somewhere around the store, playing a game with him. Erwin, sure he was being watched, spun on his heels at one point, attempting to catch Levi sneaking around the corner to spy. All he saw was potato chips.

Somewhere around the cheese island, while inspecting the price of smoked gouda, did mercy come upon him. A fridge stocker cleared his throat behind Erwin and when Erwin turned to question him, he was passed a folded piece of paper.

‘Probably in your house by now’ was all it said.

“Such a brat,” Erwin huffed, rubbing his forehead with something akin to baffled fondness. He suspected he’d have wrinkles come the end of Levi’s visit. In his house – ah, he’d left it unlocked too. Damn. At least he saved Levi the trouble of taking the door off the hinges or picking the lock, skills Erwin knew Levi had for various and nefarious reasons. 

Sure enough, Levi’s Volvo waited on the street outside of his condo. Erwin glanced into the back seat and saw it empty of any luggage, and the inside looked pristine and new. When he got to his door, he rested a moment, hand on the brass latch. A breath of cold air to steady himself, a moment to gather it all in before he opened his front door.

“Levi?” A black coat hung from the hooks alongside the entrance, a pair of battered brown boots set straight, toe to the wall, beneath. Coming home to Levi, what a wild thought. 

“You ran off with the door unlocked,” Levi’s voice, undisturbed by distance and wires, came from the kitchen, tugging Erwin along like a baited hook. He gobbled after it, shoes on, rubber sneaker soles barely making a sound. “And the stove on.”

Erwin stopped just inside the entrance of his kitchen. Levi stood at his stove, stirring the cider with a ladle in one hand and the other hand on his hip. He turned to Erwin, expression tight, eyes just noticeably wide. His mouth thinned. “I thought you were responsible, Erwin,” he continued the gentle meaningless lecture.

Erwin walked towards him, strides long and quick. Levi didn’t move, not towards or away, but he did snap the stove off, ladel clinking against the inside of the pot. He tipped his head up, face set defiantly, shoulders thrown back in preparation for Erwin’s advance. “Could have burned the house down.”

Erwin snorted out his nose, smile stretching across his face. He bent his knees and moved in – not for a kiss. No. Levi was too stunningly small, more than Erwin imagined, not even coming to his shoulders.

“Erwin…Erwin don’t,” Levi gasped. Too late. Erwin gripped him at the hips and picked Levi up clear into the air and clutched him to his chest. After one startled angry squawk, Levi folded around Erwin like a desperate thing, legs latching around Erwin’s waist, hands coming to ball into his coat around his shoulders.

“Look at you, Levi,” Erwin mumbled, hugging him crushingly hard. Levi didn’t utter a word of protest. “Look at you. Oh god, Levi. Levi.” Like this, held like this, Levi fit perfectly to him, head tucked down into Erwin’s shoulder, face turned to snuggle into his neck. 

“Hi,” Levi breathed. Erwin inhaled the scent of him, kissed the side of his head, above his ear. He closed his eyes, felt the shape of Levi’s smile hidden safely against the skin of his neck. Erwin kept a hand under Levi’s butt to support him, the other found its way to his head. Erwin closed his eyes, sank his fingers into the thick top part of Levi’s hair, dragged down to his crew cut, up against the grain. He stroked and rubbed him, short into long and back and forth, settled his own weight back against the edge of the counter. Levi, despite his size, was heavy, but Erwin felt strong enough to hold him all day, especially with Levi doing so much of the work on his own too.

Levi hummed and whined from somewhere cavernous in his chest, a warm almost squeaky sound: the closest approximation of purring possible. The house really did smell spicey and welcoming. Levi’s cologne or deodorant, whatever it was, mixed in until Erwin could faint from the suffusion of smells inflating him. 

Eventually, minutes, hours later, Levi lifted his head, kissing Erwin’s cheek so achingly soft and careful, planting kisses from the corner of Erwin’s jaw across his cheekbones and on his nose, face so close it blurred before Erwin’s eyes. He bounced and readjusted Levi just a little and blinked, not quite believing that the weight of another person could feel like such a gift and not a burden to carry. Levi didn’t seem to want down yet besides.

They stared at each other, the crisp winter blue of Erwin’s eyes melting into the edge of a night sky in the dark reflection of Levi’s. Erwin, skin tingling from the echo of Levi’s kisses, tipped his head up just enough to make the tip of their noses brush. Levi puffed an electroshock breath against his lips, blinking heavy-lidded lashes. “Kiss me,” Erwin begged softly.

He closed his eyes. Levi laid mercy against his mouth. Erwin sighed, dropped opened his jaw, and Levi stole it from him, followed the source. Their teeth clicked, Erwin laughed into Levi’s mouth, giddy raw, until Levi gave up on trying to kiss him. Like a child denied, he squirmed until Erwin put him down on his two stockinged feet.

“Hello,” Erwin finally said, hands still on Levi, tangling their fingers together. Levi squeezed so they locked down to the webbing at their knuckles, but he looked away down at the banged up but polished clean wood floor. Erwin could see the red scald across Levi’s cheeks despite the angle of his embarrassment. “Quite a goose chase you sent me on.”

Levi looked up and rolled his eyes. “Yeah well.” Looked off to the side a little.

Erwin raised his eyebrows and followed Levi’s look to see a bouquet of white flowers in a vase on the dining room table. 

“Oh, Levi,” Erwin said, soft and touched, “you shouldn’t have. Is that why you went to the store?”

“Tch. They’re for your mom, sun-butt.” Even though Levi had some pinched frown on his mouth, Erwin’s heart took off at the glow in Levi’s eye. He bent at the waist, still holding hands, to peck kisses at Levi’s chin and cheeks and little sloped nose.

“How come I don’t get flowers,” he teased. Levi tried to twist away but Erwin dragged him closer, kissed noisily at his ears, childishly, infinitely happy.

“Ew. Stop you big fuck. God, Erwin,” Levi complained, doing an awfully weak job of trying to escape. He let out a shrill laugh when Erwin squeezed his sides. Erwin laughed loudly. “Erwin~ Fuck you.”

Erwin caught Levi’s wrists, stopped his harmless swats. Levi glared at him. Erwin kissed him again and again until Levi went slack and happy and opened up his sweet wet mouth, till Levi pulled on Erwin’s hair with fingers that smelled like apple spice and paperwhites. 

Then he stopped, broke the kiss to make sure this was real. 

Levi rocked back from his tip-toe position and licked at his shiny red lips. 

“I love you,” Erwin said.

Levi inhaled audibly, a small whistle of sound, before he clapped his hands over his face. 

It made Erwin flinch. “What’s wrong?”

Levi shook his head and looked down, breathing loud. Was he crying? Erwin hovered, barely patient, wanting to pull his hands away and fix and see. “Levi? Please, what’s wrong?”

“Fuck,” Levi groaned to himself and let his hands drop. Erwin waited, suspended. Levi lifted his head. He wore a grin so wide his smile swallowed his whole face. Creases of joy made up his face, a big toothy smile like a kid on picture day, eyes slivers of dark lashes. “You’re so fucking cute, I can’t stand you.”

Erwin laughed, startled, awed, his own cheeks starting to hurt from smiling. He all but knocked them both over with the enthusiasm of his next hug.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is NSFW. I had my first day off in like ten days.
> 
>  
> 
> Tag on tumblr is #fic a mutual thirst

Erwin, in an active attempt to host, pressed a mug of warm cider into Levi’s hand, eyes too intent and focused. He looked downright starved for Levi; Levi preened under the attention. He lounged against the counter, pulled his ace card – unrolled the too-long sleeves of his sweater when Erwin was turned away so they covered his hands.

He sipped his cider and stared at Erwin from over the rim. Erwin stood across from him, hip cocked and resting against the counter, mug all but forgotten in his hand as he watched Levi drink.

Levi smacked his lips. “Spicy.”

Erwin swallowed, mouth still red from the scrape of Levi’s teeth. “Mulling spices,” he said around a cough to clear his throat. Levi looked him up and down, smirked.

“Do you wanna take your coat off, Erwin? Promise I’ll be here when you get back,” he said, taking pity on his overwhelmed flower of an almost-boyfriend. Erwin frowned, looked down at himself.

“Oh. I’ll…thanks. Make yourself cozy, Levi. Not that you didn’t…well you kind of broke in already.” Levi matched Erwin’s amused expression with a look of pride.

“You left the door open,” he said, but he did go into the livingroom to curl up on the couch, feet folded underneath himself. Sarah Smith, like a true Annapolitian, utilized blue glass in her deco. Levi almost wished he’d seen the empty vase on the mantle before he’d gone scouring through the kitchen for a vase. Well, she could change it. And Erwin probably wouldn’t tell his mom that Levi had barged in alone and gone through their things. Not that he’d done anything wrong. He even put some dishes away just because they were out. No, Erwin wouldn’t say anything, would he?

“Hey, uh, how bout don’t tell your mom about what I did,” Levi said when Erwin came into the living room. 

“What did you do?” he asked like a big doofus as he sat down close to Levi but not touching him. Levi glanced at the space between their bodies.

“That I came in when you weren’t here.”

Erwin smiled slightly. “Why not? It was cute, sort of rom-com, actually. I was surprised.” Erwin rubbed his thumb along the rim of his mug and Levi tried not to imagine Erwin dragging his thumb over the slit of his cock. In person, Erwin was even more magnetizing. Levi was distracted by all sorts of shit that didn’t make sense, like the bold lines of Erwin’s nose, the crinkle of his slightly chapped lips. How easily Erwin picked him up.

“Uh,” he sipped his drink, looked away to the mantle. “Makes me seem sketch.”

“Ah, you’re right. Especially in a turtle neck sweater, you look very sketch,” Erwin teased, reaching across like the space around Levi was his to invade. He touched the back of Levi’s neck, slid his warm fingers down into the collar of the drapey folded turtle neck.

Levi arched slightly. Erwin scratched with his blunt nails at the base of his skull. “Yeah well you’re wearing khakis,” Levi tried to counter, but it came out all wrong. He watched through foggy eyes as Erwin set his mug on the counter before he leaned over to nose beneath Levi’s ear. He smelled like cider, breath autumn on a winter morning.

“Put that shit on a coaster,” Levi scolded, twisting to catch Erwin’s lips. The contact made Erwin release a breath, pressure valve opened. Levi’s remarked was ignored in favor of touching him instead. 

Levi opened his eyes when Erwin slipped his tongue into his mouth. Erwin had his closed, and Levi felt out-of-body looking at the concentrated scrunch to Erwin’s brows. It freaked him out; he turned his head away, Erwin’s and his drool smearing across one cheek. He had to get off the couch to reach the stack of slim mica imitiation coasters, put both their mugs square in the center of one each.

Erwin cleared his throat. “How was the drive?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “I should have just taken the metro.” Except public transportation disgusted him. The metro was pretty clean compared to most, however. 

“That bad?”

“Not really important.” He leaned back, Erwin’s arm already along the back of the couch. Jesus. For not wanting to be sexual over text, now that Levi was here in person, Erwin was all over him. Erwi curled his hand around Levi’s shoulder and silence settled.

Well shit.

Levi bit the inside of his cheek, too stiff now, too aware. A car rolled by outside, he heard the squeal of a child in the neighboring house. 

“My mom is taking us out to dinner tonight,” Erwin said. “She’s excited to meet you.”

“Did you tell her I’m your boyfriend?” Fuck. 

Erwin’s mouth pinched, but Levi didn’t look to see his expression. “Something akin to that.” 

They could switch the flowers from the clear kitchen vase to the blue one in the living room. It surprised him Erwin hadn’t. It would look better, the white in the blue. In this room. Maybe Erwin had no sense of design. 

“Levi?”

“Hm?” He turned his head, lifted his brows. Erwin Erwin Erwin, right there. Cheeks and nose a little red like they’d been beaten by an icy wind, damned chapped lips. He thought about fucking, on his hands and knees with his back to Erwin, about curling up underneath him. 

“Are you…” 

Levi touched his thumb to Erwin’s right eyebrow and smoothed it out. 

Erwin blinked.

“Sorry,” Levi mumbled, clutched his hands together in his lap, squeezed his errant thumb punishingly.

Erwin searched his eyes before he put on a gentle smile. “Thanks. They do that a lot.” He went over them both with his own touch. After a second, paranoia made Levi do the same to himself.

Erwin chuckled. “Eyebrows all check?”

Levi clenched his jaw, heat creeping to his cheeks. “Ready Freddy.”

“Have you been to downtown Annaplois before?”

“Yes. Naval base is nearby. Lived here once upon a time.”

“Oh, with Shadis?” Erwin picked up his mug, so Levi did the same.

“No.”

Erwin stared. Levi drank his cider, felt the grit of spices on his tongue. He sucked his teeth and sipped at it more. 

“I think seeing the academy boys in their uniforms is what awakened my bisexuality.”

“A slumbering beast,” Levi snickered. Erwin nodded. “I try not to eroticize military anything,” he offered with a shrug.

“Too weird?”

“Way too fucking weird.”

“I always found machinery appealing,” Erwin said and Levi couldn’t figure out why he was just blabbering on about this shit. He didn’t mind, necessarily, and it was interesting and a little funny, but Erwin wasn’t the sort of person to talk just to talk. Unless he was. Shit. But he never did over skype. Levi was the one who tended to chatter, but now he just let the rim of his mug rest against his front teeth, a distant thought of smashing the two together and breaking ceramic and bone and gushing blood onto Erwin’s floor going through his head. “Getting to see planes in progress was…I don’t know. Thrilling, in a way.”

“Naked planes? Am I going to find schematics under your bed with the pages stuck together.”

“You just might,” Erwin said into his mug, about to take a sip. It echoed hollow. 

“You’re a sick man.” Levi put his mug down and turned to Erwin. “So gimme a tour. You’re a shitty host,” he said without any real judgment.

Erwin smiled, close-lipped. “I am. Sorry. I didn’t even carry your bag in; where is it?”

“Threw it on the step landing. Not very observant either. Stove on, door unlocked, could have robbed you blind and you’d still be bumbling about.”

Erwin huffed, stood. “I was excited to see you. That trumped a lot of other concerns.”

Levi allowed himself to feel flattered. Erwin collected their mostly empty mugs and put them in the sink. Levi followed behind them and at least rinsed them out.

“Come on, Snow White, enough,” Erwin sighed, taking Levi by the hips and steering him away. “I’ll do that later.” They stumbled together, Erwin’s hands wide around Levi, fingers folding over his hipbones through his jeans. Step by step, they kept together like chain linked cars. 

Levi hopped up the first two stairs, breaking the contact, but he turned and set his feet to square off with Erwin. He was eye level now, just a little higher even. “Hey.”

Erwin tipped his head up, so Levi cupped his face with both hands and kissed him. Erwin looped his hands round Levi’s waist. The kiss broke softly, never having deepened, just an alignment. “You’re even hotter in person.”

Erwin sighed out a laugh and kissed him again, a statement in its own. Levi closed his eyes and played with Erwin’s hair, finally able to mess it up. He’d always itched to ruin that immaculate part. Erwin used product but it wasn’t greasy or sticky, just added a tangibility to his locks that Levi rather enjoyed. When Levi scraped his nails over Erwin’s scalp, Erwin maoned into his mouth. It might as well have been a slap, how sudden and startling it came. They both froze.

Levi did it again, harder this time, biting into the kiss and dragging his nails and tugging fingers through Erwin’s hair. Erwin’s hands around his waist dropped to his hips to hold him firmly, then to his ass. Levi shivered, felt the touch slide over him. So much for hesitant hands and kisses. Erwin sucked on Levi’s tongue and squeezed at his ass, as much as he could, huge fucking hands taking everything for their own. Dragged Levi close.

Their crotches came together, and this was no innocent hug. Levi hissed at the hardness he felt against his own. “Fuck,” he swore, louder than he meant to. They pulled their mouths away, lips tingling, and rested their heads together, panting into the space between them. Erwin rubbed up and down Levi’s back slowly; neither of them moved their bodies together again.

“I didn’t invite you here just to have sex with you,” Erwin said, hands still exploring the curve of Levi’s lower back, thumbs rubbing at the bottom of his ribcage through his sweater.

“I know,” Levi nodded, playing with the hair curling at the base of Erwin’s skull. It needed trimmed. Slob. He tipped his head to rub his nose against the side of Erwin’s, drooped his eyelashes low. “But I wanna have sex with you.”

Erwin’s hands stilled at the top of his ass. He rocked side to side, rocked Levi with him. “Right now?” he asked against Levi’s lips. Levi flicked his tongue out against them.

“Did you shower this morning?”

“Yes. I even brushed my teeth just for you.” Erwin’s voice was low, molasses thick. He sounded so much better in person, the low octave rumbling around Levi, right into his bones. Levi rolled his hips forward, cock pulsing with the excitement of his heart, pressed himself into Erwin. He thrilled when Erwin tightened his hands on him again.

“Then right now,” Levi decided, blood so thick in his head he couldn’t hear himself speak. He’d moved forward enough that his own weight tipped him nearly off the edge of the step if not for Erwin playing a guardian wall around his tipping body. 

“Levi.”

“Yeah?” It wasn’t a question apparently. The breath knocked out of Levi when Erwin spun him off the step, daredevil, and pressed him into the wall. The curse never left Levi’s mouth, eaten by Erwin’s kiss, melted down into a moan when Erwin shoved a leg between his thighs and drug him up onto it. Just like that, the two of them were rutting in the landing of the stairwell. Erwin’s cock dug hard into Levi’s hip, teasing and tempting. Fuck. Levi couldn’t wait to get his mouth on Erwin. He’d probably be drooling for it if Erwin wasn’t kissing the shit out of him right now. 

Erwin held him by the ass and moved Levi on his thigh, all but lifting him off the ground he wanted Levi to rub so high up on him. 

“Fuck, Erwin,” Levi gasped, pushed him back by the shoulders. 

“Too much?” Erwin asked apologetically, immediately all wide-eyed concerned. Levi’s brow crinkled.

“No you shit, but I’m not sucking your dick on the goddamn stairwell. I’m a lady, ass-face.” Erwin looked constipated. Levi frowned. “You gotta shit or something? Let’s go.”

“You’re foul.” He stepped back, breathing hard and trying to vaporize Levi’s clothes just by staring at them. “And a terrible influence.” Erwin sighed and ran a hand over his face, shook his head.

“Like your dick isn’t wet over it,” Levi snipped, walking upstairs because Erwin was useless. He got a few steps ahead of Erwin before heavy fast steps followed. Reflexively, Levi started to run up the rest of the way, but Erwin caught him and smacked his ass sharply.

“Hey!” He whirled, hand over his smarted cheek. Erwin grinned as he followed him into the narrow upper hallway. Levi backed up, watching him with narrow eyes. “What happened to that shitty virgin shit?”

“Never said I was a virgin,” Erwin replied, backing Levi against another door. He tilted his head and observed his trapped little guest. 

“Yeah well you’re still shitty.”

“Did it hurt?”

“What do you think?”

“Sorry. Your butt’s very cute.” The upstairs was dark, and Erwin was backlit, nuances of his expression lost. Levi swallowed. Erwin touched under his shirt, slid his hands over Levi’s bare skin. He flinched, muscles tightening.

“Then be nice to it,” he groused. Erwin bobbed his head quickly and ducked down for a kiss. Levi obliged him. “I get a payback spank.”

Erwin hummed. “Looking forward to it.” He reached behind Levi and turned the knob on the door, caught Levi’s weight against so he didn’t fall into the room. “Excellent work, this is my room.”

Levi had seen Erwin’s room plenty of times from different angles over the past few months. At least the laundry piles were gone and the bookshelf put into some order. It’d always drove him crazy in the background of photos. Levi plopped down onto the bed, rolled into the center.

“I’m going to grab your bag,” Erwin told him. Levi looked down at himself and gestured at his still visible erection. Erwin gave him a sideways look. “You’ll survive. Besides, I know you’ll want to shower after.”

“Know me too well.” Levi rolled onto his belly and made himself comfortable while Erwin disappeared. He heard the steps creak under Erwin’s passage. The bed smelled freshly laundered, the bathroom probably smelled like Clorox, if he had to guess. He closed his eyes, disappointed it didn’t reek of Erwin. Soon. It’d smell like them both.

Erwin dropped Levi’s bag inside the door and came over to the bed. “You tired?”

Levi rolled over onto his back and shook his head, but now that he was in a bed, all the adrenaline from driving on the bypass and seeing Erwin and the nervousness finally caught up to him. Erwin sat down then lay down beside him. Levi sat up and clambered over him, straddled him boldly.

“Your belt is ugly,” Levi said, tapping the buckle. He could see the shape of Erwin’s cock pretty easily. Hmm.

“Be nice to me,” Erwin chided. Levi ducked his head to hide his smile, but Erwin and his damn long arms were able to reach and tilt his chin up. Levi initially averted his eyes but at another soft nudge, met Erwin’s gaze. His smile wobbled off his face, too shy to hold under Erwin’s blue-eyed scrutiny. Erwin went all soft and gooey-eyed, pet Levi’s cheek. “You don’t have to do anything, Levi.”

“Oh my god, literally. I want that.” Levi tapped Erwin’s dick, felt it twitch – Erwin twitched all over. Levi cupped his hand over the outline and rubbed. Erwin’s eyes shut. Heat broke out all over Levi and his cock throbbed. He squeezed Erwin lightly, swiping hs thumb along the shaft. “Erwin. I fucking want you. So bad.”

Erwin nodded, opened his eyes, pupils blown. He stretched under Levi, rolled his hips so Levi rolled with him. “We’re alone for a few hours.”

Levi’s breath felt sweaty and sticky coming out of his mouth. He kept rubbing Erwin’s cock, ground the heel of his hand into it out of curiosity. A groan cracked out between Erwin’s lip and Levi swore again, leaned forward on his knees to kiss him. Erwin pulled him down closer, a hand on the back of his neck, kissing Levi lingeringly. Levi settled down on top of him, soothed by Erwin rubbing his back beneath his sweater. 

“Mmph. Levi.” Erwin sighed against his jaw. “Turtle neck.”

“What?” He opened his eyes, rolling onto his side off Erwin. Erwin sat up and touched the base of his sweater, ran his fingers along the slip of skin shown beneath. 

“Take it off?” Erwin suggested. He flattened his palm over Levi’s stomach. Levi’s mouth opened on a round sound and he nodded, sitting up and ripping his shirt off. Sitting up like that made his belly turn into rolls, but once he flopped back down, it was all lean muscle. Erwin knelt and kissed his stomach, worked up the center between his abs till his breath ghosted over Levi’s nipples. 

“So cute,” he said. Levi tugged on his ear, embarrassed. His skin was hyped, seeking every sensation Erwin gave him, every touch a brilliant punishment of nerves that soaked down into the deep marrow of him. Erwin looked up from under his brows, blonde hair hanging over his face, longer than Levi expected it to be. Tension hung thickly in the air before Erwin closed his eyes and closed his lips around Levi’s right nipple. He massaged his tongue over the firm little peak and Levi bit his teeth together. Erwin held his ribcage, compressed his wild lungful of air. Bit him.

“Shit,” Levi moaned. Never thought of himself as a nipple play kinda guy, but Erwin with his face pressed against him, sucking on his nipple and holding him down – fuck. Levi rocked his hips up for friction but Erwin didn’t do anything to help with that, actually kept away from Levi so it was utterly pointless. “Erwin.”

He tugged on Erwin’s sweater. All it got him was a suck and a bite to the other nipple. Spit cooled in the air. “What the fuck. Take this off.”

Erwin pulled off just enough to flick his tongue against the bud of his nipple. Levi glared at him. Erwin flashed a brilliant, smug smile. “Patience is a virtue, you know.”

Levi shifted quickly and forced Erwin over onto his back, shoved a leg between his thighs and ground it hard into Erwin’s dick. Erwin grabbed him by the back of the neck, hand big enough to circle around most of it. Levi stilled, thigh wedged against Erwin’s balls, Erwin stilled holding him like a dog.

“Bring it, motherfucker,” Levi smirked. Erwin’s eyes drooped with want, and Levi knew he wasn’t tough shit. Big baby. 

Erwin flipped them back over, but Levi grabbed the bottom of his sweater and yanked it so Erwin’s face got covered by the cotton wool blend. He pulled more so his arms got caught.

“You’re a child,” Erwin said from behind the fabric, struggling now to get it off of him. Levi squirmed down between his legs and kissed Erwin’s chest, scratched at his back.

“I’ll remind you of that when my dick’s in your mouth,” he snarked. Erwin huffed and got his sweater off, but Levi had already begun kissing at his sculpted chest, halfway down the bed underneath Erwin. 

“Get back up here,” Erwin demanded, looking down between his shoulders. Levi tipped his head back onto the bed, looked at him upside-down.

“Make me.”

He really shouldn’t say shit like that to a competitive over-achiever. Erwin grabbed a fistful of his hair, tugged slightly.

“Levi.”

Levi pulled against it and bit into Erwin’s stomach, trying to get leverage in a belly roll but seriously struggling to find any extra softness on him anywhere. Asshole. Erwin’s crotch was inches from his face now. Levi rubbed between his legs with a hand, massaging where he approximated Erwin’s taint was, trying to press hard enough so the thrill went deep inside. Must have worked judging by the tightened grip in his hair.

“Levi,” Erwin said again, rougher. 

“Hmm? I’m taking that tour you owe me.” He slid the leather of Erwin’s belt out of the buckle, out of the loops of his stupid khakis. 

“I can’t even see you like this,” Erwin sounded so goddamn pathetic that Levi finally sighed and shimmied back up only to be immediately kissed. 

“God, fucking slobbering on me,” he complained. Erwin turned his face to the side and kissed the shell of his ear wetly. It tickled him down to his twitching cock. “Fuck.” He latched his legs around Erwin’s waist again and drug him down so they collapsed on each other. 

“You’re so mouthy,” Erwn said, propping himself up again so he didn’t crush Levi. At least he kept his hips low, rubbing against Levi pleasantly. 

Levi leered. “That’s the idea, big guy.” He reached down to squeeze Erwin’s ass.

Erwin bucked down hard enough to hurt. Shit. God. Levi did it again, harder, and Erwin stuck his tongue so far into Levi’s mouth he was practically licking his tonsils. Levi sucked on it and they both moaned. Levi wanted to have Erwin’s cock in his mouth, going deeper than this. 

“Fuck, Levi. Slower. Slower,” Erwin panted after, mouth wet. 

“You’re the one tongue fucking me.” 

“I know.” Erwin smiled. He kissed the tip of Levi’s nose. He ground down against Levi so they sighed in unison. “You feel so good.”

Levi closed his eyes and nodded. “You too.” He rubbed his hands up Erwin’s bare back, felt the tension of his muscles. He held him loosely as they rubbed together. Everything slowed down, their breaths deep and stilted. Levi purposefully lined them up. He could rub like this forever, maybe, until it hurt at least. His pants were sweltering. 

When he opened his eyes, he almost flinched, Erwin staring down at him like he wanted to memorize Levi. “What?”

“You’re beautiful.”

“Holy shit, Erwin, you’re fucking gay.”

Erwin rolled his eyes. “Don’t spoil the moment.”

Levi picked his head up to kiss his chin. “Saw-wee, Erwin.”

Erwin nodded, mouth twisted wryly. Like he expected anything else from Levi, really. It’d be dumb and useless. He kissed Levi’s exposed neck and across his collarbones, finally shifting down to go about exploring his bare chest again. He rubbed Levi’s nipples with his thumbs, a pleasant stimulation, but he kept questing down with his mouth until he straight up rubbed his face against Levi’s dick.

“Can I take your pants off?” he asked. Levi squeezed his buttcheeks together in response.

“Yes.” Fuck yes.

So Erwin did. He unzipped Levi’s jeans, pulled them down when Levi lifted his hips. He grew slower, holding Levi under the knee and sliding them down off his ankles and feet. Levi’s erection stood up against his underwear, the navy boxer briefs yielding under the strain. Erwin rubbed up Levi’s thigh, not much leg hair beyond his knees. 

For a moment, they just looked at each other. 

“Do you want…” Erwin touched his fly. Levi nodded. Erwin got off the bed and undid his pants, worked them down off his thick thighs, stepped out of them. He had on bright red underwear with candy canes on them.

“Did you get those at Target or something?”

“My mom got them for me,” Erwin shrugged. He crawled back onto the bed and Levi sat up to meet him, kiss him.

“Creepy.” 

Erwin smiled. “What would you say if they were yours, probably something about having a minty fresh dick, I imagine.”

“My butthole is minty fresh,” Levi said immediately, straight faced. Erwin coughed and laughed unattractively. Levi ruffled his hair. “Hang in there, big guy. You can taste it yourself.”

“Fuck, Levi,” Erwin said, face as red as his underwear. He bit Levi’s neck and pressed him down into the bed. “The things I want to do to you.”

Levi moaned while Erwin sucked on his neck. He brought turtle necks for a fucking reason. The skin hurt as it bruised. They tangled their legs together, Erwin’s hairy huge thighs absolutely delicious to grind his dick against. He rutted mindlessly while Erwin kissed his neck. Every flash of teeth on his skin, every deep hungry suck, made his dick fill more so he thought he could burst. It was all just foreplay too, making him leak inside his underwear. At least he felt the answering wet patch against his thigh from Erwin. 

“Oh,” Erwin said from above once he pulled off Levi’s neck. Levi blinked at him in a daze, sweating and tingling. Erwin touched his neck, no doubt at a mark he’d left.

“Fucking dog,” Levi mumbled, red all over and wanting more. Erwin kissed him sweetly after, lips ember hot and puffy. Levi wanted to see them around his dick, that same hunger sucking him dry. “Erwin.”

“Yes?”

Levi stared up at him. “Kinda wanna blow you and stuff now.”

“Ah.” Erwin looked to his bathroom door then back. “Do we need condoms?”

“To suck dick?” Levi frowned. Erwin shrugged. “No. Just c’mere.”

He pushed Erwin away and they repositioned so Levi could lay between his legs, Erwin resting his back against the headboard. His cock at this point had poked out of the top of his underwear, the elastic slung down on his hips from their rutting. Levi licked across the revealed head, licked up the precum that wet it. Erwin clicked his teeth together, eyes focused on Levi. Levi felt hot all over, his own cock so heavy in his underwear, weighing him down, Erwin’s making his mouth water.

“Lemme see you.” Lev tapped his finger against Erwin’s cock before hooking into his underwear to pull it down. Erwin’s cock rested thick and red against his stomach. His blonde hair coalesced between his legs, down from his stomach and up from his thighs. Levi ran his hands through the wirey hair happily, up to reach his cock. The first touch to a hot hard cock was the best, enough to make him sigh. “As good as I expected.”

“I hope you expected a lot,” Erwin mumbled above him. Levi flashed him a grin, defenses down. Erwin stared again in that awestruck way before he smiled too. 

“I did.” He bent Erwin’s legs slowly, rubbed the inside of his thighs, scratched until Erwin was shaking from anticipation and neglect. Levi watched his cock twitch, sat back to look Erwin over. The blonde hairs got darker as they disappeared between Erwin’s cheeks that Levi could see. Fuck. He wanted to see all of Erwin. Before he even asked, Erwin spread his legs a little wider. All the blood left Levi’s brain at the offer. Erwin spreading his generous body to Levi’s gaze, Erwin staring down at him, flushed from cheeks to the shiny red head of his cock. “Holy fuck.”

Erwin’s throat bobbed visibly on a smile. “Let me see you too.”

“Shit. I’m not even gonna last,” Levi said, getting his underwear off quickly. He was obviously smaller than Erwin, proportionate with his size. 

“Me either,” Erwin admitted, sitting up again and kissing Levi. He took Levi’s cock in his one hand, pulled him in with a hand to his shoulder. Levi scrambled into his lap, sat astride him. They kissed, melting together. “You’re cute all over.”

“Don’t call me cute.”

“I shall tell no lie.”

Levi pinched his nipple. “I’m gonna make you choke on my dick.”

“Is that a punishment?” Erwin took their cocks together in his hand and squeezed. Levi groaned embarrassingly loud. Erwin’s cock practically scalded his with how hot it was. “I might like that, Levi. Ever think of that?”

“No,” Levi said honestly. Erwin snaked a hand around to play with his ass, rub at the top of his crack and dip his fingers down between. Levi arched, thighs spread wide around Erwin’s hips. He wanted to be wider, spread on Erwin, wide on Erwin. Erwin pumped their cocks together in his fist, pulling on the skin. “Lube. Get lube.”

A temporary pause. Then the snap of a bottle, cool gel making Levi whine as it smeared on his aching hot cock. He pushed his hips up and slid them together, reached to add his hand. Erwin folded his hand around Levi’s and then they were pumping each other together, panting and kissing into each other’s mouth. 

“I can’t believe…that you’re here,” Erwin told him while Levi tried to bite his bottom lip. 

“I am,” Levi said. “Definitely fucking here.” Their grip squelched with lube. Levi tightened it hand at the top, looked down to see their cock heads rubbing against each other. “Shit.” Erwin kissed his ear again and Levi couldn’t stop how loud he got. It just made Erwin more excited, made him fuck into their hands and swirl his tongue in Levi’s ear. Disgusting but amazing. “Dog.”

“I thought I was a puppy,” Erwin pouted, coming back to him. The pouted didn’t last because Levi stood up on his knees and sat down again, guiding Erwin’s cock between his asscheeks. 

“Fuck me here,” he told Erwin, rubbing his dick into Erwin’s hard abs. He ground against Erwin’s cock, clenched on it. Erwin spat a curse, looked at him in amazement. Dumbass sat there still for so long that Levi let his nails settle on the skin of his cock and stroked upward. Erwin howled. “Fuck me here,” he repeated.

Erwin looked ragged, hair dark with sweat. He looked furious. “You – Levi – Fuck.” He pulled Levi forward over his shoulder practically and slapped his ass. “Want to play like that?”

Levi squirmed, wild, fucking against Erwin’s chest and spreading his legs, balance caught between the tips of his toes and his knees. “Fuck. Yeah, sure yeah, do it.” So Erwin smacked him again, again, three times. Hard. His skin sung with it. When Erwin sat him down in his lap, fit his dick back between Levi’s cheeks, Levi waited with a docile composure for Erwin to set the pace.

“Hurt?” Erwin asked, touching his cheek with the hand still damp with lube. Ah. That’s why the spanks hurt so much. Levi nodded and Erwin kissed his forehead. “Okay?”

“Good,” Levi said, nodded again. He rose and fell with Erwin’s slow thrusts, kept a hand behind him to rub his cock. His heart beat between his legs, in the sting of his spanked bottom. Erwin touched him all over, kissed the sweat from his neckline. 

They lost words after that, meeting with kisses and shakey smiles. Erwin pet the back of Levi’s hair and rubbed his back while Levi fake-fucked Erwin’s cock. He relaxed, buzzed all over happily. Erwin sped up at one point, started squeezing Levi’s ass again and mumbled that he was close. Levi tightened around him, fought the protest of his thighs and the slow ache in his knees to go up and down on Erwin’s cock until he came wetly between his cheeks. He kept going, fighting a swell of dirty pleasure at the filthy sensation and slick sounds.

Eventually, Erwin’s dick slipped out and down and Levi gripped Erwin by the shoulders to grind into his stomach and get off.

“Wait, Levi,” Erwin said, guiding him off his lap. He knelt down and took Levi into his mouth, rubbed between Levi’s asscheeks where he was filthy with Erwin’s come. Levi dissolved into breathless moaning as Erwin teased his hole with a wet finger and sucked on his cock eagerly, cleaning it of lube.

“Erwin. Erwin. Gonna – shit.” Erwin pulled off and worked him to a finish with his hand, watched Levi’s face close off with pleasure as he spilled onto his stomach. Levi came till he was drained, dirty. Sticky and gross. The come on his ass was the worse. 

“Gorgeous,” Erwin praised, kissing his clammy cheeks and kiss-out mouth. He attempted to cuddle, but Levi grumbled at him.

“We’re showering.”

“But afterglow,” Erwin insisted.

“But jizz all over me. C’mon. Get up.” Levi knocked his foot against Erwin’s shin. Erwin slung a leg over Levi, all hot and gross.

“No point,” he sighed, curling over Levi. “We’ll get dirty again.”

That made Levi pause. “Yeah?”

Erwin squeezed his hip. “Thought we could do more,” he said casually. “We don’t have—“

“I want to put my tongue in your butt,” Levi said flatly. 

Erwin paused. “I’ve never actually uhm, had that done to me.”

He wasn’t sure who was missing out more, Erwin or all the people who didn’t get to bury their face into that ass and hear Erwin moan. Fuck. Levi hoped he loved it. He rolled over so he was facing Erwin. “I’m gonna toss your salad like my name’s Romaine.”

Erwin squinted. “that’s uhm…from…Iggy..?”

"I'm gonna barf on you." He sat up and got off the bed.

"Where are you going?" Erwin asked, genuinely concerned. Levi swung his hips in exaggerated form. 

"Getting my laptop. I have to educate you." He looked over his shoulder and caught Erwin starring at his ass. Levi bent over at the waist to root through his bag, spread his legs and popped his ass out as he straightened back up, laptop in hand. "You need to understand the queen to my king."

"Huh?" Erwin sounded sufficiently distracted. Precious sunflower of a man.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going back to shorter chapters, trying to balance light-hearted with interesting content. Sigh sigh. Anyway...

They ended up showering because Levi simply couldn’t stand how he felt. Plus, Erwin wanted to eat him out – Levi wanted to be eaten out – and there was a “whole load of spunk drying in my buttcrack” that needed taken care of pronto. Erwin was subjected to a joke about bubbly farts that he surprised himself by laughing at, but only because Levi delivered them completely straight-faced before waiting practically on tip-toes in anticipation for Erwin’s resigned laughter. 

Erwin held Levi against his chest while they stood together under the hot spray. Levi had his head tipped back, water beating down on him. He didn’t seem to mind at all, not the water nor Erwin’s exploring touch over the jut of his hipbones, the flat of his stomach. Levi was so short, Erwin’s cock pressed into the small of his back. 

“Are you kidding me?” Levi had said about that little fact. “How the fuck am I supposed to dance up on you?”

“Your feet are small enough to fit into women’s heels,” Erwin had said very diplomatically. At least he thought so. And Levi liked fashion enough that owning a pair of heels really didn’t seem unlikely.

So now Levi was ignoring his kisses along the sides of his neck and his questing touch. Erwin still thought him sweet. “There’s a guest room for you,” Erwin finally said, trying to break a response from his mute showermate. 

Levi grunted, turned his face away from the water enough to crack an eye open. “We aren’t sleeping together?”

Erwin suppressed his smile at the disappointment in Levi’s voice. Just what he wanted to hear. “We can, if you feel comfortable with that.”

Levi snorted through his nose, turned his face back to the hot water. “Should find out now how badly you snore.”

Erwin grimaced slightly and buried his nose into the soaked part of Levi’s hair. “It’s not too bad,” he mumbled. Levi snaked a hand around to pat him on the butt.

“Not too bad,” Levi agreed without any proof. Erwin squeezed him around the middle. Together, they shared a total of five more orgasms before they fell into an exhausted sleep, just managing to get properly cleaned up and wholesome for his mom’s return from work.

She hugged Levi immediately, and Levi, sadly at perfect chest height on the average American woman, suffered a face full of breast. He stood stiff in Sarah’s embrace, expression diluted panic and nervousness. “It’s so good to finally meet you,” Sarah said, squeezing the words out between lips of faded plum passion. 

She released Levi from the hug but held him by each shoulder. “You too, ma’am,” he answered smartly, carefully posed, sleeves of his sweater hanging over his hands again, caught and bundled between his fingers. Erwin hovered, wanted to smooth his hair from its newly ruffled state, to pry Levi away.

“Another military brat, huh?” Sarah asked, smile full of something knowing. Levi’s face remained unaffected.

“Yes, ma’am.”

She sighed. “Will you call me Sarah, Levi?”

Levi opened his mouth, closed it, looked to Erwin.

Erwin shrugged. Levi squinted at him, and Erwin could imagine some pithy thought of treason.

Sarah patted Levi’s shoulders. “Nevermind, I’m used to it. I just dream.” She laughed lightly and Levi’s face twitched like he thought he should laugh too but couldn’t quite perform to the expected standard. “How was the drive in, you do okay?” She moved on, stripping off her heavy coat, scarf, loaded down bag.

“It went well, thank you,” Levi said and Erwin had never heard him so cautiously gracious in his demeanor. 

“That’s good to hear. It isn’t a hard drive, by any means. You should get a metro pass. If you come again.” 

Erwin frowned slightly at the tone of his mom’s voice and moved forward with her. Levi looked away, around. “I’ll probably visit him next,” Erwin said. “Go back and forth.”

Sarah hummed. “So, Levi, Erwin never said where you were born. Stateside?”

“Yokosuka base, Tokyo bay.”

Erwin hadn’t known that, but then again, he rarely got an answer about “annoying trivial shit” like birthdays, birth places, last names…

“Navy?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Sarah hummed, lifted her chin as she turned, a few inches taller than Levi. “Did you father marry a local?”

Levi pinched his sleeves into his palms. Erwin cleared his throat. “Mom, don’t interrogate him.”

Sarah held up her hands a little. “I just want to know about your secret boyfriend, Erwin. Sorry, Levi. Erwin didn’t tell me as much as I’d like. You understand.” 

In true Levi form, he admitted: “I don’t tell Erwin as much as he likes either.”

Sarah pursed her lips and assessed them both, the space between them and the ties they professed to have. Erwin internally winced. Levi flitted his gaze around before blundering on: “Thank god I’m pretty.”

Erwin could have face palmed. He scooped Levi towards him and kissed his head. “The prettiest,” he said, trying to diffuse the tension. “So mom,” he projected his voice louder, indicating to the entire kitchen that they should move on from the subject, please and thank you, “I made reservations like you asked for six-thirty.”

Sarah asked Levi to ride passenger and resumed a much gentler form of “interrogation.” Thankfully, she kept the topic to more relevant times, and Levi spoke of his jobs.

“Erwin showed me the symphony recording you sent him. It’s so cute how you two handle the distance.”

Erwin added his two cents here and there but mostly listened, hoped his mom liked Levi, that Levi wasn’t put off. He caught Levi’s eyes in the rear view mirror and offered smiles but never saw one in return. Levi didn’t change his expression much, any emotion coming through in vocals alone, in an easing of tension. It was a performance if Erwin had ever seen one, like watching a child play with dolls and remembering the vivid reality imagination once brought and seeing it now through an adult’s lens. Had Levi not be crying out his name hours ago, sweating and animated? He’d spread Erwin apart for his lips and tongue and whispered “Space, the final frontier” before licking into Erwin’s body, patted Erwin’s butt and sang along to “Anaconda” and went into a lengthy comparison between Listerine and Crest Mouthwash while they washed the taste of each other from the gaps of their teeth.

“No ma’am,” “Yes, ma’am,” Levi said again and again. 

His mom got a bottle of beer; Levi ordered the cheapest thing on the menu. Erwin nudged the appetizer his way and held his hand under the table. Erwin turned his mom onto talk of work, squeezed Levi’s hand and let him find ease in the task of listening. He did so admirably. The Ram’s Head had a live show, as they commonly did, and it gave a sense of completeness to dinner. 

“I’d say we get ice cream for dessert, but,” Sarah glanced at the winter night sky.

Erwin could have suggested hot chocolate, but he was saving that for their date tomorrow. He was content with how Levi let him wrap an arm around his waist. 

“You’ll be my dessert tonight,” he whispered down to Levi. 

“You’re cheesey enough to make me shit,” Levi said back with the same lacquer of sweetness as Erwin had used. Erwin chuckled and bent the extra effort it took to drop a kiss onto the cold of Levi’s hair.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the continued support, praise and attention. It means a lot to me to get messages. It what helps keep me writing even as the times grow busier. <3
> 
> This chapter addresses a previous thought of Erwin's regarding Levi and exoticism. Again, I am white writing fictional characters, one of which is half Japanese, half Jewish. Mentioned in the last chapter, levi was conceived and born on a US navy base in Japan. He's still an American born citizen. Levi's had an absolute shit life up until Shadis took him in, something that still hasn't been clearly explained and may or may not be clearly explained in this fic. he is 19. Erwin is 20. They are just trying to do their best and be happy. 
> 
> Questions comments, whatever, all very welcome. You can message me here or on my tumblr as stillmadaboutpetra.tumblr.com 
> 
> Thank you and enjoy.

Sarah thankfully didn’t try to impose any bullshit Victorian era restrictions on Levi and Erwin, and Levi left the guest room untouched. An alternative to sleeping spooned against Erwin’s body…no. No. Just impossible. Levi couldn’t not find out what it meant to sleep with Erwin.

Arms circled his waist and he didn’t even jump from the contact. “You finished yet?” Erwin asked, rubbing his face into Levi’s hair and the back of his neck, craned down to do so. Levi leaned forward over the sink and spat minty foam away, rinsed his brush and his mouth with a giant ass growth clinging to him.

“Now I am.” 

They tumbled into Erwin’s bed and Levi wondered at the ease which Erwin had him pinned beneath his frame. Subtle. At least Erwin was minty fresh now, kissing at his mouth. Even good white boys were still white boys somewhere in their core, perpetually horny with their pink dicks. Tragic. 

“Why the fuck is your room so cold?” Levi asked around a pleased sigh. Erwin’s hands were deliciously warm on his stomach, rubbing over his skin beneath his baggy tshirt.

“So you’ll cuddle with me,” Erwin said. Levi assumed he was dead serious. Fucking giant baby. The temperature proved perfect though to sleep spooned under Erwin’s body with Erwin nuzzled into his neck. 

 

The morning found Levi wide awake well before Erwin. He twisted around in bed and tried to fall back to sleep, but it didn’t work. 8am was his wake up, so after a half hour of deliberation and failed sheep-counting, Levi slipped out from under the warm covers, out from Erwin’s heavy-limbed hold and took a shit. A wonderful shit free from worry about how obvious it would be to “go to the bathroom” and be gone for more than the normal ten seconds it took to piss. 

Erwin, the big dog, snored like a broken chainsaw right where Levi left him even after a shower. Levi clambered back into bed, hair dismissing droplets down the line of his neck and into the dampened hem of Erwin’s shirt, the one he’d tossed off last night. 

“Wake up,” Levi demanded with a nudge to Erwin’s shoulder. He should be softer, more polite for this first-time waking up together thing they were doing, but that level of courteousness seemed lost on him at the moment. This delicate moment, this huge momentous moment. Erwin slept on, mouth slack, chest rising and falling. Levi arranged his hair neatly across his forehead and touched the strong bridge of his nose lightly, feeling the tremble in the cartilage from his snores. A smile tugged the corners of his lips up as he watched Erwin. “Pay attention to me, Erwin. My powers are weakening.”

He rocked Erwin until Erwin smacked his lips and opened his eyes a little, the blue suddenly startling. Levi blinked hard in response, unnerved. For a long moment, Erwin frowned in a daze before clarity struck him and he sat up swiftly. Pinched his eyes shut around the sensation of dizziness but then he was in Levi’s face, breath murky from sleep. 

“I forgot,” Erwin said simply, resting a palm to Levi’s cheek, heat soaked and tender. 

Levi lifted an eyebrow. “That I was here?”

“Yeah.” Erwin smiled, sloppy with his waking. “Shit.” He rubbed his thumb across Levi’s cheek. “You showered already,” he said, obviously disappointed. Probably in himself.

Levi hummed and kissed his cheek. “I did.” He wanted to say more, tell Erwin to please brush his teeth, asap, pronto, but Erwin surprised him by hugging him and burying his face into Levi’s neck. Erwin said nothing, just held him and rubbed his back. A peculiar discomfort crept over Levi, sudden awkwardness, but he managed to reach a hand up and rub between Erwin’s shoulder blades as well. 

“Good morning, Levi,” Erwin said, and Levi closed his eyes with understanding. He could imagine the smiley-face emoticon that might accompany those words were they in a text or a picture message. 

Levi pried them apart, looked Erwin over, cupped his dumb handsome face between his hands. He held his greeting between his lips, heat rising to his cheeks with brilliant shyness. “Mornin’ sunflower,” he said.

There was no avoiding Erwin’s kiss after that. 

 

Erwin’s well planned date today involved the cryptology museum (“you nerd”) (They spent hours trying to develop their own code) and a walk through of the Hammond-Harwood house. Hence the sudden grocery store visit for an assorted tin of teas, vanilla coffee creamer – Levi swore by it – and raw sugar. They sipped overly sweetened tea and practiced their shitty new code. 

“Levi,” Erwin sighed heavily after he translated half of Levi’s coded letter. Sighed again. Levi smirked behind his tea cup. “I’m glad you like my…bussy…so much…” and Erwin didn’t get much farther than that because he had to covered his face with his hands. 

Levi rubbed his socked-feet together under the kitchen table, sick on his own joy, cream and sugar on his tongue. The chemistry, the tickling anticipation talking with Erwin over the phone and text had brought him translated here in person. Erwin listened to him so actively, looked at him so longingly, Levi floated through the day on a dreamy cloud. He smiled easily, learning to turn his face to Erwin a little more readily with each expression. Like a curling sprout seeking the sun. Erwin handled Levi’s hiccups smoothly, without a scene. Kept ahold of him in the crowds, forged ahead, kept them operating through the day. He knew how to take someone one a date, evidently. 

 

Erwin reached for him, fingers glistening. Levi stopped him with a foot to his chest, holding him at bay. “Ew, get your gross ass hands away from me.”

“It’s just olive oil,” Erwin huffed. “And I’m trying to get the paper towels.” Bullshit. But Levi ripped him off one from the roll and tossed it to him. Erwin wiped off, hip resting against the counter.

“Now how did I become the one cooking when you’re the one who wanted to make dinner to begin with?”

“Because I said I wanted to do the dishes after and you about shat yourself about guests not doing any work. So we compromised.”

Erwin didn’t look bothered by that at all, only “ah”ed as he remembered. “Right right…” He smiled. “Was there anything else to that agreement? I think there was.”

Levi pretended to think. “Something about me doing the dishes naked, you rubbing your cock again my little ass.”

Erwin balled up the paper towel thoughtfully, tossed it out, nodded to himself. “That was it.” He reached for Levi and again got stopped with a foot to his chest, nudging him back, a disdainful look. 

“Don’t touch me, I’m royalty,” Levi sniffed. He’d hold out for properly washed hands, thank you very much.

Erwin took it in stride, dropped his grip down to Levi’s ankle, fingers still greasy. He rubbed the bone of Levi’s ankle. “My exotic little prince,” he teased.

“Exotic?” Levi snorted, brows knitting together.

Erwin hummed. “From a distant foreign land. Who I’ve only spoken to through deeply complex coded letters about bussy.” He smiled like it was some secret and brought Levi’s foot up to kiss the sole. 

Levi flinched in his grip. From his words, from the ticklish touch of his lips, from disgust at the act. “The fuck?”

Erwin flashed with slight concern but only looked amused. “Not into the feet stuff?” He still held Levi’s foot and fiddled affectionately with his toes. “Yours are just so small, I can’t get over them.”

Unease rolled through Levi’s gut. Erwin’s harmless touch made him shift on the countertop, pinch together. “No,” he said, “that’s not it – not the feet.” Except right now his feet felt too frail and vulnerable in Erwin’s big swallowing hands and he could imagine how easy it’d be to grip and grind his toes together. 

He jerked his knee back, heel hitting the cabinet below painfully. Erwin winced in sympathy and tried to still his suddenly jittering knees. “Fuck,” Levi hissed, lifting his foot to rub away the sting of pain. 

“Sorry,” Erwin said, guilt scrunching his features. “Didn’t know you were ticklish.”

Levi shook his head. “Nevermind, it’s fine, Erwin.”

Erwin waited but Levi busied himself flipping through the cookbook beside him. Ignored him. Erwin shifted his feet then went back to work.

“Wash your hands,” Levi snapped right as Erwin was about to touch the pasta salad. Erwin’s head turned to the side and he frowned at Levi.

“A little nicer next time,” he scolded. 

Levi ducked his chin, lips tight together, face hot. “No one wants feet flavored pasta.”

Erwin turned the sink taps on, hot water rushing out. He pumped the soap in a short motion. “No, but you didn’t need to snap.”

“Forgive me, in my country we’re more mindful of that shit,” he said with barbed sarcasm. Erwin looked taken aback, and Levi immediately regretted being there. 

“What?” Erwin turned the faucet off, dried his hands on the tea towel and took the two steps to close the distance between him and Levi. Levi gripped the cookbook n his hands, posture rigid where he sat. Erwin pinned him in on the counter, still taller than him, jaw set. Levi turned his glare down. 

“Levi.” Once, hard. Erwin kept his hands on either side of Levi’s knees on the counter, veins flexing under his skin. “Look at me.”

“Don’t order me around,” Levi snapped again, bringing hs head up. Anger made his skin feel swollen, and he knew – he hated - how narrow his glare must be right now. 

Erwin matched it, but his bottom lip pushed up and out in accompanying confusion. “Why are you so angry?”

“Because you’re being an idiot.” Levi tried to pull himself up taller, jut his chin out. He shoved Erwin’s hands beside his legs that were caging him in so Erwin faltered, lost his grip. 

“Levi! Don’t—“ Erwin started and stopped on a dime. He took in Levi, stepped back and took a deep breath. “Okay,” he said in a controlled voice, eyes calculating Levi, the situation. Another breath. Levi tried to do the same, already some of his reactionary anger simmering down into a queasy feeling again. “It’s okay.”

Levi nodded. It was okay. He breathed in noisily through his nose. 

“I did something wrong,” Erwin deduced. Levi nodded. “Was it the feet?”

“God,” Levi sighed in exasperation. “No shithead, it wasn’t the feet. Unless you start fetishizing that too.”

“Too?” Levi wished Erwin looked like a dopey idiot when he was confused, but it was the same handsome intense look he had when he tried to figure anything out. 

“Yo,” Levi said with new control, everything blending into an old one-sided conversation. “For as well educated as you are, you sure are a dumbass sometimes.”

Erwin twitched, a fresh coat of irriation coving him. “Mind explaining instead of just insulting me, Levi?” Ugh, he had such a grown-up’s voice.

Levi hopped off the counter, unable to sit still like that any longer. “Yeah. I’m fucking American.”

It was a two second wait for it to click. Then Erwin leaned back, lips thinning. “I called you a foreigner.”

“An exotic one.”

Erwin sucked his teeth, looked to the side, back to Levi. “Fuck,” he said in a breath. 

“Yeah,” Levi drawled, crossing his arms defensively. “Love hearing that shit from my white boyfriend.”

Erwin couldn’t even appreciate that Levi just called him his boyfriend either because he was too busy realizing his fuck-up. “I’m sorry, Levi. You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yeah but you’re supposed to be better than that.”

“I know. I know,” Erwin scrubbed a hand through his hair. “I know.”

“Jesus,” Levi sighed. “It’s not even a big deal. Just, whatever, Erwin.” It was stupid of him to get so upset. Like, who gave a shit. Erwin did know better, was better than that. It was just a fuck up, a slip of the tongue. Vocab misshap. It didn’t really matter.

“No,” Erwin said firmly. It was like the accidental flirting thing all over again, Erwin dragging out his own self-scrutiny and making Levi some victim witness. “That was wrong of me. And it wasn’t…I’ve thought before,” he paused. Levi raised his eyebrows. 

“I like your eyes,” Erwin blurted.

“God,” Levi groaned, hands flopping out in exasperation before he crossed them more tightly across his chest. “Literally, right now you wanna whip out the Asian fetish shit?”

“I don’t have a fetish,” Erwin said hastily, all red and offended about the thought. “I swear to god, Levi. I’m sorry. I think you’re beautiful is all, and I fucked up. I remember thinking how – fuck –how exotic you looked,” he spat the word out."And I know it’s wrong. I can go find you books on why that’s the wrong way to think.”

Levi moved back to the counter, bowed, propped his elbows on it and dropped his face into his hands. It had been going so well. So perfectly. Christ. Of all times for this shit to come out, for Erwin to be a big dumb ass. 

“Levi,” Erwin said behind him, hesitant. Levi inhaled through his nose, huffed it out. He lolled his head in his hands and let out a dry laugh. 

“You’re a dumbass,” he sighed wearily, turned to look over his shoulder. In some ways, he imagined a nervous puppy Erwin pissing himself, but instead Erwin stood as straight as ever, as bold as ever. Just his mouth was cramp in worry, his eyes and brows crinkled. They made eye contact. Levi straightened up and turned back to him. “I know you’re not some creepy evil white person. I know you know what you did was wrong and why.”

Erwin nodded slowly. 

“I just want to think you’re perfect,” Levi admitted, “and you aren’t. So I overreacted.” He should be used to this by now.

“You didn’t—“ Erwin started to defend him, but Levi just shook his head to quiet him. Erwin stopped and started, took a step closer to Levi, then another. Levi let Erwin put a hand on his shoulder. It felt heavy. “I already knew that you deal with othering, and I shouldn’t use language of the oppressor to refer to you.”

Levi tipped his head and put his nose on the back of Erwin’s hand. Nuzzled it a little. He felt clammy all over, adrenaline from the fight stuffed inside him. 

“And I should have told you right away that you done fucked up,” Levi shrugged. Erwin turned his palm in to cup the side of Levi’s neck, run his thumb along his jaw. “Just tell me, do you have a thing for Asian eyes? If I find any slant, slit, squint shit on your laptop ever, I’ll seriously shit on your bed.”

Erwin shook his head, expression still serious. “I don’t, Levi. I find beautiful things beautiful, that’s all.” He rubbed his fingers into the back of Levi’s neck in request, so Levi stepped in for a hug. Erwin bundled him to his chest, bent to breath in Levi’s scent from his hair. “You’re just you, and I love you. I love your white side and your Japanese side. Your eyes are beautiful, but so are your lips and even your boney elbows.”

Levi huffed into Erwin’s sweater. “I don’t even know if that’s like, the politically correct shit to say or whatever.” He burrowed deeper into Erwin’s chest, wrapped his arms around his waist. “Let’s just forget this.”

He felt Erwin shake his head no. “We need to remember this, Levi.” 

It wasn’t like they had a choice, but Erwin was probably right. 

Levi turned his face from Erwn’s chest to speak. “I like your big Germanic nose.”

“I don’t know if Germans are known for big noses.”

Levi shrugged. “Whatever. My biological father was Jewish, so I’m allowed to say whatever I want about noses.”

Erwin snorted into his hair. “I suppose you are.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very short and also the end. Love these two dudes but I'm spent on this story. It was fun. I have a lot of other ideas boucing around my head but I doubt I'll get onto another big story like this for the next few months do to busyiness. Thank you for reading and enjoying this and all the lovely feed back. I made add snippets to the tag '#fic a mutual thirst' on tumblr because there r some tiny bits that aren't really important but I might want to revisit this verse

Their bodies knew that today Levi was leaving. That Erwin would be returning to college, to that singularly time-consuming adventure. That today, this morning, was the time to commit senses to memory. Erwin beat Levi awake by some miracle and gathered Levi to his chest without care for waking Levi, giving into greed and want forcefully. Levi slurred a complaint through sleep-chapped lips, pushed his face blindly into Erwin’s bare chest. 

 

“You awake?” Erwin asked to his ceiling, turned over on his back with Levi’s slim bulk, boney hips and jaunty elbows tucked all against him. 

 

A long still made up only of breathing before Levi smacked his lips and mumbled a “no.” So Erwin rubbed the naked slope of his back, fingers gleaning at a sweetness that slumbered in the divots at the base of his spine. Levi, worn from their late night of commiserating and consoling, slept on. Erwin closed his eyes and told himself, in the voice of some ancient advisor, that he was too young to love someone so. The fault in holding onto Levi and thinking that he would never feel such a perfect fit. 

 

He smiled, self-deprecating, and snorted his own dissent into Levi’s hair. If Levi knew he was deliberating on the mortality of their relationship already, he would throw up his hands in outrage. He would almost be tempted to voice his thoughts to Levi when Levi woke if only to see the irritation paint his face, to have Levi assure him. Levi did wonders when it came to assuring Erwin. Erwin ran away with his own thoughts, thinking bigger and bigger, and Levi’s ardent pace-keeping with him and snippiness cut away the excess. Levi pinned him down. How had he made it this far without someone to tell him he was being a shithead?

 

“Erwin,” Levi mumbled, shaking Erwin from his thoughts, “what the fuck you laughing at?”

 

Erwin cupped the mounds of Levi’s warm bottom in his hands and squeezed, flooded with warmth. Levi grunted and considered Erwin’s gleaming smile. “I suppose I’m thinking about fate.”

 

Levi let out a sigh, dropped his pointed chin onto Erwin’s sternum. “Yeah?” Because Levi was not in the nature of dismissing Erwin or his thoughts. 

 

Erwin nodded slightly, brought a hand up to push back Levi’s bangs, arrange his part on either side of his face. Levi closed his eyes under the care, blinked when Erwin barely traced his eyelashes with his thumb. In exchange, when Erwin had replaced his hand beneath the covers to covet Levi, Levi smoothed Erwin’s eyebrows and turned his face to rest his cheek on Erwin’s chest - lessen the strain on himself, fill his head with the muted drum beat of Erwin’s heart.

 

“Yes,” Erwin continued. “Just on us, how we came to intersect.”

 

“Fuckin’ tumblr,” Levi chimed.

 

“Exactly.” Erwin kneaded Levi’s ass, taking comfort in the give and resistance he found. “One in a few million chances, right? But here we are. I can’t imagine how else things might have gone.”

 

Levi inhaled deeply so that Erwin imagined he could hear the bow and creak of Levi’s ribs. It was a sign of admission to come. Levi let it out slowly, nodded just so so that his cheek slid on Erwin’s skin, a prick of morning growth. “You...are the sort of man this would happen to.”

 

“How so?”

 

Levi pushed up to look at him, look at him hard and considering, corners of his mouth drawn back. Erwin’s eyelids dropped and he leaned forehead to kiss the taste of Levi’s speculations. Surprisingly, Levi returned it, hard but brief. Puffed out a half laugh, looked to the side and sucked his teeth. “Uhm.” Levi frowned harder and dropped his head slightly. “You reached out to me, and...”

 

And Erwin bit down on his response that seeing the build up of tears on the rim of Levi’s eyes brought. 

 

“You do a lot and it’s weird but,” Levi tipped his head side to side, rolling this musings out from a maze. “You have this way of making the world bend to what you demand. What you want.”

 

Erwin breathed in slightly, chest making Levi rise. He reached, drag his fingers through Levi’s hair and gripped the back of his skull. Levi’s throat bobbed hard. “And I wanted you,” Erwin said, finishing the thought. Levi nodded. 

"So thanks for...thanks," Levi said, settling back down on top of Erwin. 

If what Levi said was true, that Erwin got what he wanted, then perhaps he would never have to meditate on cautionary words about love.

**Author's Note:**

> came up with the idea last night as a joke text post but i think i have it in me to write a short fic of stupid eruri shenanigans.


End file.
